The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/18/08
SHiver!! I saw one of those and thought "Never!"
It would help the reader to put an extra space between paragraphs.
Good analogy and last sentence!
Nice analogy. I echo the comments about the spacing. It helps the eyeballs.

Keep writing!
09/18/08
I like the message you portrayed. Good Job!

If you use spacing it will assist the reader in deciphering the rythm of the story. Keep Writing.
09/18/08
I agree with the others-about spacing.

Good story overall. Keep it up.
09/19/08
Enjoyed it! Good analogy. Keep up the good work!