Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Charade (08/14/08)
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TITLE: I love you, too | Previous Challenge Entry
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08/18/08 -
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“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Looking out beyond the deck where we were drinking our morning coffee, I noticed the apple trees needed to be pruned. “Well, I’d like to help you by pruning your apple trees.”
“That’d be great. Let me tell you how to do it.”
“Didn’t you fall out of a tree last week? Don’t you remember the small orchard I had in New York?”
Wistfully she twisted her lips around the coffee mug, “I’ll feel better if I show you how to do it.”
That was the rub. Who am I to stand in the way of her happiness? “Yes dear.”
“Good. Go ahead and get the ladder, shears, and small saw out of the garage. I will get you some gloves and join you after I do the dishes. Don’t forget to lock the gate so the dogs can’t get out.”
Loaded with the pruning gear, I struggled to the trees. Struggling under the weight of the equipment, I asked myself, “How in the hell did I survive all those years of marriage with her? Why am I here now? After twenty years of marriage, why can’t I learn?”
As she neared her small orchard she asked, “Did you bring the small saw?”
“Yes dear.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t see it.”
“Did you bring the gloves?”
“I knew I forgot something. I’ll get them later. I have ADHD.”
I wanted to scream at her, but I didn’t. All I said was, “It’s OK.”
After she explained how to trim the trees, I couldn’t resist. It just came out. “Now how do I prevent myself from falling out of the trees?”
Her eyes narrowed into menacing slits of anger. “Why did you come up here? Why?”
Just then a car drove up. Out stepped my son and his girlfriend. He gave me a hug. “It’s great seeing you Dad. It’s been awhile. Mom fell out of the trees last week. The dogs keep getting out. It’s always something. How are things going with you?”
“Nothing has changed. I keep trying to find work. I really don’t want to drive a truck any more.”
“Well, I’m back in school. That’s part of the reason why I’m here. I need money for textbooks. I have to buy two new books. I’ll get them used but still it’ll cost me 50 dollars.”
Joan, my wife, said, “I’ll see what I have in my purse.”
Miraculously, I pulled 30 dollars out of my wallet.
“Come up to the house, Mikey, and I will give you 20 dollars or write you a check.”
While my wife and son were at the house, Melissa said, “Mike looks up to you. He is studying to be a counselor. He wants to help people communicate. You and Mrs. Smith really help strengthen him. After my Dad left, my Mom made me see a psychologist. He told me most children do better if they have input from both parents. I talk to my Dad at least once a week. I want to be a counselor, too.”
When Mike and his mother returned to the trees, Mike said, “The school store closes in an hour. We need to get the books this weekend. Why don’t we all have a cookout tonight?”
I said, “I’m in. Let your mother plan it.”
Joan said, “I’ve got a million things on my mind, but I would really enjoy just relaxing with the three of you. I’ll take care of it.”
As the car sped out the driveway, I said, “Why don’t we just order Chinese.”
“I always overextend myself. It makes me angry, I can’t take care of things they way I should. I try so hard. It makes me bitter and frustrated when I fall short. I’m sorry I take it out on you. Remember when we use to walk around in the middle of the night after a snowstorm in the suburbs of Maryland.”
“The streets were beautiful. When everything was blanketed with a foot of snow, the entire neighborhood was eerily quiet. The only sound was from our boots crunching in the snow. I’ll always treasure those moments. We were crazy.”
“We had good memories.”
“Yes.”
“What happened?”
“We overextended ourselves. We need a counselor. Some people fake it until they make it.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
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I'm glad they planned to get counseling. I like how you placed the son in your story as a catalyst, and that they still had love to build on.
Your dialogue was a bit confusing occasionally--I had to work at figuring out who was talking several times. A few tags or descriptions of the actions of the speaker would help, I think.
Love the bit of hope at the end.