Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Grandparent(s) (04/03/08)
-
TITLE: Legacies | Previous Challenge Entry
By Carole Robishaw
04/03/08 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
My Grandma died before I was even born, but I have heard stories about her. She ran a boarding house, taking care of her seven children, while doing all the washing, cooking, and cleaning for the boarders. While Grandpa was too busy trying to earn a living during the depression, taking jobs that ranged from being a street vendor to working as a butcher, to think of the long-term future, Grandma worked to instill eternal values.
She must have been fairly successful, because her legacy includes several grandchildren who have made it their lives endeavor to spread the word of God, some through books and speaking engagements, others from the pulpit, while for some it is just by what others see in our lives, as we attempt to “walk the walk.”
It is hard to imagine that I have lived longer than my grandma did, she was only 53 when the Lord took her home for a well-earned eternal rest, and I think that now she must look down on us in wonder at how far we have come, or maybe I should say traveled. From a simple farm family, scrapping by to make ends meet, this generation now consists of world travelers, pastors, missionaries, authors, computer programmers, teachers, and so many more occupations I can’t even remember them all. Most of us have been to college, and we are spread out all over the country. We never see each other, not even at the proverbial “weddings and funerals” any more. We have all lost touch, and just occasionally hear rumors of what the cousins are doing.
I think that while grandma would be pleased at how many of us have come to believe as she taught, she would be hurt at how far apart we have grown.
My grandparents strove to keep the family together, and healthy, to put food on the table, and clothes on their backs. But the most important thing in their lives was for family to just be family, to be a part of each others lives, to share good times and bad, to laugh and cry together, and to pray together. This is the same legacy I would like my grandchildren to have, what I want, and pray for, for them. Someday I plan to give my grandma a big hug and say “thank you” for all she left us.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This sentence didn't make sense to me:
While Grandpa was too busy trying to earn a living during the depression, taking jobs that ranged from being a street vendor to working as a butcher, to think of the long-term future, Grandma worked to instill eternal values.
You might want to restructure it a bit. Maybe take out some commas and split it up into separate sentences with periods instead. Also, there were a few other minor grammatical errors, but this kind of stuff can be easily fixed.
I enjoyed your story. Keep on writing.
Remember to put spacing between your paragraphs, it makes the entry easier to read.
I enjoyed reading this, well done!
I'm a newbie, and this was my first challenge entry, and I didn't know how long it would take to reach the 200 quota, so I rushed my piece.
This time I am taking my time, and hopefully my sentences will not be as convoluted, though my mind tends to work that way.
It made perfect sense when I wrote it, but in re-reading it after a week's time, I can see the problems. Carole L
You already know that there are some grammar errors, so I'll mention something else, since you asked for suggestions. With 200 entries, you want yours to stand out in some way, so find some way to make yours unique. This is a lovely story of your family's legacy, but there's not much here that's substantially different from the stories of many other families. Use your full 750 words, add one great family story, or if necessary, write this essay more like a fiction story, to help us to get to know the characters better by their dialogue and their actions.