Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "Make Hay While the Sun Shines" (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (03/06/08)
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TITLE: Debbie's at the Pet Store | Previous Challenge Entry
By Mary Lisa
03/09/08 -
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“What’s your name? Mr. Michaels? Is that your whole name, Mr. Michaels? Hum… I didn’t think so. My cousin’s name is Robert, too. I call him Bobby. Can I call you Bobby? Ok, I’ll call you Mr. Michaels.”
“Where’s my mom? She’s in that beauty shop. She thinks I’m reading magazines but they’re really boring so I came to see you. You know why, Mr. Michaels? You have all these animals. I like your fish a lot. They look so happy.”
“And, here’s a puppy! Can I play with him? I can tell he wants to play with me. Well, why not? I’d be careful. Ok, I’ll go see the fish again.”
“I really like these little blue ones. They glow. What do you call them? Neon Tet-what? Oh…Neon Tetra. Do you really call them all by the same name? You do? My mom doesn’t call my sister and me by the same name. I’m Debbie and she’s Pamela except when mom gets mad. Then she yells, ‘GIRLS.’ Is that why you call these little neon-uh-things all the same name? Are you mad at them? You do look a little upset.”
“Do you want to know about my sister? She’s in school now. She goes all day. I went this morning to kindergarten but I don’t stay all day. Mom says I’ll do that next year. I wonder if I’ll like going to school all day”
“Did you go to school, Mr. Michaels? That’s what I thought. I’m pretty sure all grown-ups have gone to school.”
“Did you like it? Oh, really. It was that good, huh? Well, I’m glad to hear that. Mom says I’ll be spending quite a lot of time there.”
“Do you know what I think will happen tonight after my mom gets her hair cut? She will ask my dad if he likes her hair and he will say ‘no’ because he that’s what he always says. He will tell her to let it grow longer next time but she will say that she likes it short.”
“My dad is really cool. You know what he does when he comes home? He gives me candy from the machine at work. First, I get to guess where it is. I pretend I don’t know where to look. I guess all the wrong places like the pockets of his shirt and pants. Once I even looked in his shoe and he laughed. But, he always hides it in his briefcase and that’s where I always find it. My sister and I get to eat it even before dinner. It’s so much fun?”
“Mom told me today that, if I behave myself, she will buy me a new dress for my Tippee Toes doll. I’m going to look for a pink dress for her…or maybe yellow. I like yellow, too. Yep, pink or yellow…or I like that baby rat over there. Uh-huh, the white one. I might ask mom to buy it for me.”
“Now, what do you call these little green birds? Par-a-keets? I know about a pair of shoes but I never heard of a pair of keets. Do they always come in pairs? I’m going to climb on this chair so I can see them better. They sure are up high in that cage. How cute…a tiny dollhouse door. And, it opens. Uh-oh! Mr. Michaels, the par-a-keets are flying around in your store. There’s about a million of them or maybe fifty, I can’t tell for sure. I’ll help you catch them. Oh, alright. I’ll sit here and watch you catch them. Boy, they fly fast, don’t they?”
“Is that the last one? I guess they’re happy to be together again.”
“Since I’ve been so good today, I’ll bet Mom will buy that rat for me…or that puppy. I don’t have a puppy. I used to have one but he messed up the carpet once too often and mom gave him away. She told me the puppy would be happier on a farm that at our house.”
“Mr. Michaels, do you have a bathroom? No, I don’t know if they have one at the beauty shop. I’ve never been here before. Usually, I stay with Grandma but she’s sick today. Yes, I’ll go ask them. I’ll bet my mom’s finished anyway.”
“Goodbye, Mr. Michaels. It was fun to see you and all your animals. If I can, I’ll be right back, ok?”
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I love how you did it ALL with one-sided dialogue. I haven't tried that technique yet.
I'm not sure how it fits the topic, except that the girl was keeping herself occupied while waiting.
I just love her childish patter..."Are you mad at them?" "I'll sit here while you catch them." I had to laugh!
Thank you for writing this.
**THIS SPARKLES**
The only improvement needed is a bit more careful editing.