The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/06/08
Great job on character development of Paulina--I feel as if I know her.

You might want to examine your use of adverbs; for example, how does one throw an arm around someone's shoulders "ignorantly"? And I'm not sure that I see the "silver lining" here.

This may be the beginning of a fine longer work, examining this couple's relationship. Both of them interested me a great deal.
I enjoyed the surprise silver lining of the spiritual insight amidst the cloud of Jason's rudeness.
Perhaps obliviously would work better than ignorantly.
03/07/08
Great job in developing this story line and characters! wwwChaplain
03/08/08
ha ha...this story made me laugh! I think Jason was so excited that SOMEBODY remembered him...he was taken off guard...it was not intentional rudeness to his wife. Great story!
Very fun story! You did a great job of showing us what was happening, except for the one long paragraph in the middle. You did a lot of telling there.
What should I cut in the long paragraph? How can I make the story better? Any suggestions?
03/11/08
A reunion is a good setting.
Pauline sounded like a fun person.
I had to read the ending twice before I realized that the Lord was speaking. You might have led into it a little more.
Good description, good dialogue, good lesson.
Keep writing.
The Lord's words were supposed to be in italics, but I didn't know how to put them in italics in a txt file. Someone filled me in, so I know now :o)
03/16/08
I didn't realize at first that it was the Lord speaking to Paulina at first either. I enjoyed the twist, but maybe it could of had a little different lead in to help carry over the idea.
Now I know how to put a sentence in italics. Do y'all think putting "Well, how many people did you introduce Me to?" in italics would have made it look like God was speaking to her? Or do I need more?----------------------------Maybe: "Well, how many people did you introduce Me to?" asked a still, small Voice.---------------------------I need specific suggestions, fellow writers of mine...
03/18/08
Pamela,
For specific input, you may have to click on the person's name and send them a message instead of waiting for them to come back and read your comments on your story. wwwChap