Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "Don't Cut off Your Nose to Spite Your Face" (without using the actual phrase or litera (02/14/08)
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TITLE: �Sick Of It All� | Previous Challenge Entry
By Domingo Jr. Capias
02/17/08 -
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People in the jury box and in the galley were stunned by this dramatic moment.
While others in the courtroom tried to race to Mr. Field’s rescue, Jason, the court reporter, was in his right mind to whisk the scattered papers.
“Somebody call the ambulance!” cried one elderly woman.
“Is he still alive?” a curious youth uttered as he effortlessly popped his head into the scene.
911 paramedics rushed into the scene; checked Mr. Field’s pulse; put him on a stretcher; and whisked him into the waiting ambulance parked in front of the Town Hall.
“Jason, what’s on those papers?” asked Judge Bennett.
“One seems to be a suicide note and the rest is a report accusing the Town’s chief of police, Inspector Blair, sir.” Answered Jason. “Apparently, Mr. Field was fed up with Mr. Blair’s indifference and constant harassment to Mr. Field and his family over a disputed property.”
“And what does the other paper say?” Judge Bennett asked.
“Well, it’s a suicide note, sir and it reads: ‘To my family, please forgive me for taking this extreme step. I am fed up and felt no one could help me.’”
Minutes later, a young attorney approached the bench and told Judge Bennett, “Your honor, I just came to know from the hospital that Mr. Field is out of danger and I am willing to take his case Pro Bono.”
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I'd really have liked to know more, though, and you had plenty of words. Who's the youth who popped his head in? What's more of this man's back story? How was this all able to happen in the middle of a trial? And the ending seemed a bit abrupt and too tidy.
I'd encourage you to expand your stories, use the full 750 words, and show your readers more plot development. You're definitely on the right track--keep writing!
I would have enjoyed a little more description of the characters and setting.
You've got an interesting story that could be expanded.
Keep writing.