Doubt Kills a Dream | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: Doubt Kills a Dream | Previous Challenge Entry
By Clayton Skrzypczak
01/04/08
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He didn’t think it would be so hard to tell her. After all, it wasn’t on purpose. He didn’t think it would get this bad. All he wanted to do was impress her a little. Well, a lot actually. How was he going to pay for it. There must be a way. He didn’t want to break his promise to her. It was all she ever wanted and dreamed about. It was the topic of their conversation almost every morning over coffee at Jo’s on the corner. It was on her mind at dinner as well. She always seemed to remind him with a kick of her hip into his followed by a crooked smile. Her eyes seemed to shine when she spoke of it. His eyes always seemed to roll at the thought of it. He really didn’t understand how important it was to her. All he did was mention it one afternoon at the lake. Her response was a splash-filled hug and a squeal of excitement. He really wasn’t sure about it but at the moment, it seemed the right thing to say. He was actually joking. He enjoyed the wet hug and the smile on her face. She seemed to cling to his arm from that moment on. She even wrapped her arm around his waist as they walked back home. He was clinging to the moment but soon the moment would end and reality would set in. And it really set in. He wanted to avoid her for the next few days in hopes she might forget his little tongue and cheek comment. Nope. Not possible. The next day it was the first thing she brought up. It was almost like she had been thinking about it for years and years. He had thought it up one day at the lake.
Days turned into weeks and weeks turned to months and expectations grew and grew. Of course it didn’t help that he acted as excited as she was when they talked about it. He was kind of hoping he could be talked into it by going along with her. It was not working. The harder he tried to change his mind, the more her excitement grew, and the more his dread thickened. He must talk to her. He must tell her. She was not going to be very happy with him. He had let this go on for too long. She seemed to be so happy for so long. He seemed so miserable inside though. Was he willing to make her miserable to make himself feel better? Would he really feel better? How could he hurt her after all of this time? Maybe she would understand. Maybe not. Maybe he would do it over dinner tonight. Yes. He would make her favorite dish. She was a sucker for pasta. That colorful curly kind with garlic and olive oil. He would grill some fresh salmon to break over top and make it into a salad. She loves pasta salads.
He no sooner than lit the final candle for dinner when he heard the knock at the door. When he opened the door, there she stood as beautiful as an angel. No. He wasn’t going to get sucked into those eyes. That hair. That smell. That dress. Maybe he would wait. Just one more night. No. He would never tell her. He would find a way. It was what he wanted. It was what he always wanted. He couldn’t live without her.
He stepped aside to let her in when he noticed a tear on her cheek. A tear of joy! Right? He was finally getting it. He must tell her. That is why he made her dinner. He was going to tell her he was ready. She didn’t move. She just looked at him before saying it. The tremble in her voice informed him she was serious. Her dark curls fell at her face as her head bowed in silence. His arm braced against the doorway held him up. He felt weak in the knees and sick to his stomach. She turned to go. One last glance of her brilliant blue eyes forced him to his knees. How did it come to this. Why did he ever doubt. Was this for real? This shouldn’t be. He would never say it again. Never. Not to anyone. She was gone. He blew out the candles and sat in the dark. Good bye.

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