The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
12/14/07
I loved the Potatohead analogy. That was a brilliant update.

The dialogue between mummy and toddler sparkled but really needed to be punctuated and paragraphed so that it stood out.
I love how you used Mr. Potatoe head to explain the church. I agree that the conversation could use punctuation,etc. to help it stand out better. All in all your content was excellent. Keep on writing.
12/17/07
Charming illustration. I'll echo the comments above about punctuation--a quick fix for this very sweet story.
12/18/07
I loved the line, "Can I let God out of the box?" Leave it to a child to point out our weaknesses.
You need to add quotation marks and make a new paragraph for each speaker.
PM me, if you need help.
I love the simplicity of this story.
12/21/07
Congratulations on your highly commended. Nice job with the topic.