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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The Church (12/06/07)
My heart raced as I ran through the city streets, constantly thinking, "Don't look back, just keep running, don't look back."
The rain felt like needles against my face, blinding me as I ran through the busy srteets.


Earlier that day, I was in a clothing store, shopping for a Christmas present. I had been going from store to store looking for a specific shirt my mother had asked for. After four hours of searching, I finally found it! The lavender cotton button down loose fitting "Gap" shirt. The shirt cost $50, obviously not cheap.

As I was exitting the store, a homeless man came up to me asking for change. I told him, "Sorry, but I have spent all my money."
"On the shirt?" he asked.
"Yes." I replied, feeling a chill down my spine. The man took out a knife demanding me to give him the shirt. I refused. As the blade swung toward me, I dropped my umbrella and ran. He managed to put a gash in my arm. Pain shot through my arm.

Still clinging to the shirt, I found myself at the local church. I ran inside as I was gasping for breath, feeling as if I was going to feint any second. I hid in amongst the pews, the man burst through the sanctuary doors. My breathing seemed as loud as a blow horn, and my heart beats sounded like native drums in a dance.

I held my arm, wishing the pain would subside. I had grasped the fact that I was going to die. Still, I couldn't help but say a final, silent prayer.

"God, please protect me."

I heard the man's footsteps grow closer. I closed my eyes, awaiting death. Then a voice rang out. "May I help you sir?" It wasn't the same voice as the homeless man. "I said, may I help you?"
"No! Just leave me alone!" The homeless man ran out.
"It's alright, you can come out now." The other man signaled to me to take his hand. I took his hand, and stood up, still holding my arm.
"Are you alright? That looks serious." The mans hand was warm and comforting. "I'm fine. Thank you, but why would you risk your life for mine?"

A sudden pain shot through my body, I gasped and fell to the ground. "Hey, are you alright?! I'll call an ambulance!" The man started to move, I held on.
"You still haven't answered my question, why did you risk your life?"
"Because," He said kneeling beside me, "We are brothers and sisters in Christ, part of the body of the church. We are family."
"Thank you." I said as I fell on his lap. "Thank you God" I whispered. The world went black.
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This article has been read 888 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
LaNaye Perkins
12/14/07
Your story was full of action and suspense. Keep writing.
Janice Cartwright
12/14/07
You definitely drew me in and held my attention with all the action and emotions that bubbled through your story. The end was a bit abrupt but I have the same trouble, the word limit being what it is. Good writing.
Jan Ackerson
12/14/07
Good job with the suspenseful mood.

A more careful edit is needed; you have "feint" for "faint", a few comma splices, that sort of thing.

This could definitely be expanded.
Yvonne Blake 
12/15/07
Very exciting! You kept my attention wondering if he'd get away. The ending was a little vague. Who was his rescuer? Also, you misspelled "fainted". This could be developed into a good longer story.
Beckie Stewart
12/17/07
I enjoyed this very much. I do have to say I got confused at the end a little on who was talking, but this was a good. Do keep writing.