Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Surprised (09/06/07)
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TITLE: Bertha | Previous Challenge Entry
By Shae Epps
09/12/07 -
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One morning the fool boy managed to send the newspaper sailing through the air, causing the plastic covering to catch on a tree limb in the front yard. There it dangled in the cool morning air, pretty as you please and just out of reach. “I had to call my son to come and climb my tree in order to read my morning paper!”
“Well, now, wonders never cease!” Bertha says opening the door to the predawn morning. “That boy has landed my paper right on my doorstep!” Almost a sort of birthday present. At least somebody remembers today is my birthday. “Thank you, Lord. My kids have good intentions, but they stay too busy to keep track of a crazy old woman.” Sitting down with her paper, Bertha pours her cup of coffee and flips to the obituaries.
Her heart jumps at the phone’s shrill tone. “Whew, I didn’t know the old ticker could still respond that way!
“Hello?”
“Hey, Mom. Are you feeling okay this morning?” Marisa asks in greeting. Crazy girl asks the same question every morning as if I am about to keel over at any moment. Bertha thought before sweetly saying, “I feel just fine dear, thanks for asking.”
“Listen, Mom, I have to run soon, but Jacob wanted me to pass on a message to you.” Why that son of mine insists on having his out of town sister relay messages, when he lives in the same town, is beyond me. “What is it Marisa?”
“He would like you to be ready about thirty minutes earlier for your lunch date with him today. He has an important meeting this afternoon. Don’t’ forget; that will be eleven thirty.”
“Of course, dear, that’s fine.”
“Okay, Mom, I’ll talk to you later. Take good care of yourself, okay?”
“I will, Marisa. Goodbye.”
Bertha sighs. “I guess Marisa doesn’t remember today is my birthday. Ah well, it shouldn’t really matter, at least she takes the time to call.” Bertha says to herself as she pushes the hurt feelings aside.
Half past eleven finds Bertha rocking on the front porch, as Jacob pulls to the curb in front of her house.
“Hi, Mom.” Jacob calls from the curb. “How are you feeling today?”
There’s that question again! “Feel fine, for an old lady. So, where are we going to eat today? The usual?”
“No, not today.”
“What? We always go to the Old Time Kitchen. What has gotten into you?”
Jacob smiles patiently. “I need to eat somewhere closer to my next stop.”
“Well.” Bertha huffs as she gets into the car. Here it is my birthday and he’s going to take me somewhere I probably won’t even like! Bertha turns to the window and realizes they are heading out of town, but decides to stay quiet and simply wait and see. Poor boy has forgotten where he’s going. And he thinks I am the crazy old lady who needs to be cared for.
Parking the car in his drive, Jacob walks around to open his mom’s door. Why did he stop here? They make their way to the house and Jacob opens the front door. I sure hope Laura knows we’re coming. Bertha barely steps her foot into the door when, “Surprise!” Bertha stands amazed watching family members and friends, laugh and congratulate her on her eightieth birthday. Overwhelmed, she takes in the love and affection she sees in the smiling faces surrounding her. Ah, I can’t seem to stop these silly tears! Look at me, Lord, grumbling all day while you and all these folks were looking out for me the whole time. You have blessed this old woman much more than she deserves.
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I got a little bit lost in Bertha's thoughts and her dialogue--maybe putting her thoughts in italics would help to clarify when she's talking and when she's thinking. If you're having trouble with italicizing, see the FAQ section of the FaithWriters message boards, there's a little how-to lesson there.
Other than that, I really liked this story, and the character of Bertha.
Laury