The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/01/07
This is a great message that we too often forget.

In general, it isn't a good idea to start out with a dictionary definition. Start out with something more exciting, then, if you still feel it's necessary to make your point, put the definition into the the 2nd or 3rd sentence, after you already have the reader's interest.

Great job overall. Keep writing.
09/04/07
Your last two paragraphs had a very special message. Proof read a few more times and read it out loud to yourself. Good job.