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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Confused (08/16/07)
WHAT AM I TO DO


The man I’m married to is not the man I thought he was. He’s a cheater, a liar, unfaithful. I’ve always thought he was a wonderful husband, father and provider. He’s a gentle lover. He’s all I’ve ever wanted in a man. I never dreamed he would ever hurt me like this.

Finding out about my husband’s infidelity has left me spinning. I feel so out of control, like I’m in an airplane in a nosedive, plummeting quickly towards the earth. Nothing on the control panel works. There is nothing I can do to get control of the plane and stop the inevitable crash.

I wonder why I didn’t see this coming? I wonder if I could have prevented it? If I had been a better wife, mother, housekeeper, cook, or lover would my husband have gone looking for someone else? Could I have done a better job of meeting his needs for sexual intimacy, affection, affirmation, admiration and companionship? Am I not giving him the respect and attention he needs? Would it have made a difference? Am I in any way to blame? What do I do about it now that this has happened?

I feel so rejected, betrayed and abandoned. It helps somewhat to realize that even Jesus was betrayed by one of the twelve people He was closest to (Judas Iscariot) and denied three time by another (Simon Peter) that he even knew Him. Then, on the cross, while He was in excruciating pain, even God the Father turned His back on Him - the ultimate rejection. What is my pain compared to my Lords? Even though Jesus was in agonizing pain, he chose to stay and suffer so that we could be in relationship with him. Am I to stay and suffer too for the sake of my children and the relationship they need to have with their dad?

How do I prevent this from negatively affecting our four young children? I want to kick my husband out, but I don’t want our children to grow up without their father in the home. I don’t want to raise our children alone, yet how to I reconcile the many conflicts in my heart? How do I continue to live with a man who has hurt me so deeply? Do we just exist in the same home, emotionally divorced from each other? Will the wounds ever heal? Is it possible to pick up the pieces of our shattered marriage and rebuild? Do I want to give him another chance to hurt me?

I was serious when I took my marriage vows. I promised to love, honour and cherish him, forsaking all others, till we part in death. My husband’s unfaithfulness to me broke our marriage covenant, but I do not feel released from the vows I made to him before God. I did not vow to be faithful to him only as long as he was faithful to me.

I really do love my husband. That’s why all this just hurts so much. In my husbands arms I’ve always felt safe and protected. I run to him with all my problems and frustration. He could always make me feel better. I trusted him completely. I've shared every aspect of my life with him - my thoughts, hopes, dreams, and desires. Is the only thing we share now a desire to protect our four children from the harsh reality we are living? Will I ever be able to trust him again? Will he ever really be able to remain faithful to me? There is nothing either of us can do to change what has already been done.

No one on the face of this earth could ever hurt me as much as my husband has. He is the one person who really knows me, the good, the bad, and even the ugly things. To be truly known and loved is a wonderful thing, but to be truly known and rejected just hurts so much.

This is, undoubtedly, the most difficult thing I have ever had to endure in my life. Will I ever wake up from this nightmare? Will the pain and insecurity ever cease? Will life ever return to normal or is this the new normal?
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Joanne Sher 
08/24/07
Wow. This is EXTREMELY powerful. If it is true, I send you a huge hug, and a promise that God is there in the midst of your distress and confusion.
There are a few grammatical things that would be a quick fix. This is very strong.