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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Confused (08/16/07)
Wrapped in swirls that shade my gaze
And render my intentions sour
I struggle to see beyond this haze
That envelopes me in this hour

My thoughts once sailed a cloudless sky
And danced a peaceful symphony
They shimmered crisply in the night on high
Echoing deep as a timpani

But here something has strapped me down
And instilled in me this indecision
Pervasive whispers creep all around
Staring at me in derision

My eyes are weary my ears they ring
I lay assaulted and battered
My mouth it has no song to sing
As I stand abused and tattered

An extended hand, a desperate plea
Is all that I can muster
Please come oh God and set me free
And restore again my luster

For you are still a lamp that shines
However ineptly I survey
My heart still seeks until in finds
Your light that guides my way
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Julie Moore
08/24/07
I loved the first line 'Wrapped in swirls that shade my gaze.' What an interesting description of confused. Great poem, almost all the sentences flowed. I enjoyed the creative use of words. My thesaurus is one of my favorite books.
Jan Ackerson
08/24/07
Great imagery!

A few tweaks of meter, perhaps, might improve the flow of this just a bit.

This is a very good poem with lots of wonderful elements.