Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write something suitable for CHILDREN (05/31/07)
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TITLE: Watch Me Nonie! | Previous Challenge Entry
By Joann McDonald
06/06/07 -
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“Look at you go!” Nonie was so excited for Joseph learning to ride his brand new bicycle. He just had his 5-year-old birthday and this was his favorite present.
Joseph felt so big as he passed by his friends on the sidewalk. Still a little shaky he
made sure that he did not go too fast. Even though there were training wheels on the
back of the bicycle they didn’t quite touch the ground. This was to help Joseph learn
how to keep his balance.
“Joseph you are such a big boy.” Nonie called as her grandson circled around the driveway.
“I am so proud of how you are riding that bicycle!”
Joseph waved to his grandmother as he headed down the driveway again. Smiling and laughing he was having so much fun. He liked everyone watching him and he mostly liked that Nonie was proud of him.
As he rode up the sidewalk Joseph noticed some older kids at the stop sign. After they stopped they crossed the street to the other side.
“Wow”, Joseph thought out loud, “I am big enough to cross the street now.”
As he came to the stop sign he remembered to stop just like the big kids had done. Turning to go across the road Joseph heard someone calling his name. He looked back and saw Nonie running toward him.
“Stop, Joseph, stop!” Out of breath Nonie reached the corner.
“Where do you think that you are going young man?” Nonie said staring into Joseph’s
startled face.
“Nonie, I want to cross the street. I am big enough now.”
“No, Joseph you are not big enough to cross the street by yourself yet.”
“You said that I was so big now. I just wanted you to be proud of me.”
Realizing that she was unhappy Joseph looked down at the ground. He did not like to see Nonie’s frown. Especially when he had put it there.
Nonie knelt down beside her grandson and took his little hands into hers.
“Joseph you are big and I am proud of you. But, you don’t have to do anything for me to be proud. I am proud just because you are you.”
Taking him into her arms and hugging him Nonie reminded Joseph of how dangerous the road is and that he is never allowed to go into the road without an adult.
“I’m sorry. I promise not to ever do that again.”
“I know you won’t. You are such a good boy Joseph, I love you.”
“I love you too, Nonie.” Joseph said as he leaned forward and pedaled just a little faster.
He hoped that his grandmother noticed how fast he could go now that he was 5 years old.
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There were some punctuation issues, mostly missing commas and a few others. A quick edit would take care of that problem.
Your grandson sounds like such an adorable little fellow!
“Joseph you are such a big boy.” Nonie called as her grandson circled around the driveway.
“I am so proud of how you are riding that bicycle!”
That should be just one paragraph. Not two. If it's someone else speaking, then split it, if not, one sentence is fine as long as it doesn't run on for too long.
This was interesting and fun to read. Good job. ^_^