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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write something suitable for CHILDREN (05/31/07)
There it is
Top Gun
The tallest, fastest, scariest rollercoaster in the park
I’ve stood beneath this twisted metal beast before
Last time
We had a staring contest
It stared me down and won
Highway to the Danger Zone is right
But today I will conquer this ride
Today I will conquer Top Gun

A ride like a fighter jet the sign says
That doesn’t sound so bad
Suspended from an overhead track
Um, ok, I can deal with that
A 90-foot drop
Uh-oh
Into a vertical roll
I’m feeling sick
A weightless roll-over
50 miles per hour
Ending in a corkscrew
Over a body of water

Gulp! I can only dog paddle!

Are you ready?
My brother asks with an evil smile

No problem, I say.

But there is a big problem
I want to sneak out of line
But I can’t
It’s moving me forward
Two kids are coming off the ride
Crying
Telling their dad that was too scary

Oh no
I’m in for it.

It’s my turn to get in
I sit down and they strap me in
My feet are dangling off the edge
I don’t like this

I hear the music start
Highway to the Danger Zone
Blaring
Yet barely loud enough to
Drown out the blood rushing in my ears

The car shifts backward slightly
Then moves forward slowly
So slowly
I wonder if I can still get off
My brother looks at me and smiles again
What’s he so happy about?

We’re almost at the top
People start to scream
I look down at my hands
My fingers are clenched so tight, they’re turning white
They’re starting to hurt
But I don’t let go
I get one look over the edge
I shouldn’t have done that

The longest moment ever

Then
We’re off!
I think my heart stopped
I’m not breathing
My stomach is in my throat
I’m screaming
Twist
Turn
Flip
Legs flailing
Hair blowing
Tears squeezing out of my eyes
Screaming
Screaming
There’s the water
Coming closer
Closer
Closer!
I wonder if my feet will touch the water
I hold my breath
We’re going in

But then
No room to spare
We turn up
Twist
Slow
Slower
We’re home

For a moment
I’m frozen in my seat
I’m alive
I did it
Big smile

I conquered Top Gun
Today I conquered Top Gun
This is the best day
Ever
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This article has been read 939 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Sharon Henderson
06/07/07
My heart is still pounding. Thank you for taking me on the ride with you. Well done.
Seema Bagai
06/08/07
Great voice. While reading, I could "hear" a child saying this.
Janice Fitzpatrick
06/08/07
Great descriptions. This could also be placed in the genre writing as this was definately a wild adventure with truns and twists. Nice job. God bless your writing. Janice
Janice Fitzpatrick
06/08/07
Oops,I meant to say this could have been entered into the adventure genre writing,ha. I really need to "review" what I have written before I try to critiqe, lol,I'm grabbing my reading glasses so I can actually see the letters.:0)Janice
Jacquelyn Horne
06/09/07
I'm glad this is make-believe! I would have been scared silly! You made it all come to pass with your words.
Terry R A Eissfeldt 
06/13/07
This is great! I love rollercoasters but feel this way everytime! Excellant descriptions. Would make a great illustrated book. Bless ya
Mo
06/15/07
This is great! Congrats on your Highly Commended!