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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Gone Fishing (02/01/07)
“Grandpa, why do the fish like eating these little bits of rubber?” little Billy asked as his Grandfather cast his fishing line out into the water with artificial bait attached to the hook.

Billy’s grandfather smiled as he replied, “They don’t.”

“They don’t?” Billy asked with a puzzled look on his face. “Then why do they eat it?”

“The fish swallow the bait because it looks like food that they normally would eat. As soon as fish take it into their mouth they know it is not real, but then it is too late.”

“Wow, that’s interesting!” exclaimed Billy.

Suddenly, Grandfather felt a big tug from his fishing line, and he started reeling the line in vigorously.

“You’ve caught one, Grandpa!” Billy shouted with excitement.

After reeling the fish up to the bank, Grandfather reached down and scooped the fish up with a net. He grabbed the fish out of the net and held it up with pride.

“That’s a big fish!” said Billy.

Grandfather didn’t say a word in reply. He reached over with his other hand and wiggled the hook out of the fish’s mouth and to Billy’s surprise he released the fish back into the water.

“What did you let it go for?” asked Billy as they watched the fish swim away.

“Billy, you see… this reminds me of something that takes place in every Christian’s life,” said Grandfather. “The Devil casts his line out into the world, attempting to catch any prey that he can. His bait never satisfies and always leaves people hopeless.”

“People that swallow the Devil’s bait are just like the fish that are hooked and are beyond help.” Grandpa continued. “Their only hope is when the Father of Heaven reaches down his hands, scoops them up and sets them free.”

“But you know something else, Billy?” asked Grandfather.

“What?” replied Billy.

“Even though I just removed the hook and released that fish, it will always have the scar of being caught. That is what sin does. Sin leaves its scar in the believer’s life even after the Father has set him free.” said Grandfather. “Billy, you should always follow God and never fall for the tricks of this world.”

“You really do know a lot about the Bible.” exclaimed Billy. “I know I don’t want to be hooked by the Devil’s deceiving bait!”
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This article has been read 932 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
02/08/07
Great object lesson here, and well-realized characters.

You might want to experiment with ways to eliminate some of your dialog tags, to take your (already very good) writing to the next level.

I like the bit about the scar being a reminder. Very good.
cindy yarger
02/09/07
Good lesson - I never would have thought of those things. Fun to read.
Betty Castleberry
02/14/07
Very good message. I, too, agree that the dialogue tags are not really neccessary. They distract a little bit from your otherwise well-written story. Love that you have a wise grandfather teaching his grandson through something tangible; the scar. Nicely done.
Esther Gellert
02/14/07
I really liked this story. It felt a bit like a prelude to the one I wrote, about a grandson remembering the stuff he learnt whilst fishing with his Pop. Thanks for the lesson as well. It was a good parable.
Cheri Hardaway
02/14/07
This was a unique take on "fishing," with a beautiful biblical application. You are a gifted writer. Blessings, Cheri
Joanne Malley
02/14/07
You've done very well bringing forth a few important truths. I would have loved to have seen this a little longer - elaborating on it's depths. Good job and keep writing! Blessings, Jo
william price
02/14/07
Good story, great message. I felt the intro was a lil confusing, a few less words or a comma might have helped. But, overall a strong entry with great potential. God bless.
Sara Harricharan
02/14/07
This was pretty good, I noticed a few places that could be improved, but otherwise the message was well delivered. For dialouge variety, read your piece aloud and see if it sounds like something someone would actually say!
terri tiffany
02/14/07
Everyone already gave the suggestions I would have (dialogue tags) but other than that - your message was great, you did well with description and your sentences had variety. Just work on the ideas everyone gave and you will see an enormous increase in the quality and level of your writing since it is already really good! I did the same thing if you look back at some of my earlier ones and learned that lesson from the people here:)
Loren T. Lowery
02/14/07
I agree with most of the above comments. You do have a talent. My one suggestion is that Billy's language seems a bit older than I was expecting. For instance instead of him saying "Wow, how intersting." Just have him say, "Wow." But that's just my take on this well-written piece.
Sheri Gordon
02/14/07
I loved the message about the "devil's deceiving bait". Like the previous comment, I was a little confused by little Billy's dialogue. Some of his words and phrases didn't seem to fit a "little" boy.