Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Pastor (11/30/06)
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TITLE: The Deacon's Daughter | Previous Challenge Entry
By Melissa Morony
12/06/06 -
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Natalie took a deep breath, “Pastor,” she said. As she did she flicked her hair back so he could see the bruise that blackened her eye.
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The narrative seemed incomplete and left me hanging. I would like to read about Natalie's actual interview with the pastor and to know the outcome. Hard to tell, however, whether this was done deliberately for suspense (?).
Also look again at your first sentence. You may want to break it up into two. This is good writing:)