The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
hmmm...
12/10/06
THIS HAS THE MAKINGS FOR A GREAT STORY. Try to get more detail next time.
God bless
Awkward in some places, but not as riveting as it could have been. There was some missing punctuation in places(I had a hard time trying to figure out what ended where) but overall, the message was clear. Maybe add more detail and show the story from an observer's point of view. It certainly has a lot of potential-keep it up! :)