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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Pastor (11/30/06)
My Pastor

My Pastor is Illsa S. Evans she is woman after God’s own heart. Well I had a chance to meet her at point in my life when I was down. I meet personally in 1998 sometime. I went her for advice on something I was dealing with in life. At that time when met her I was fourteen years old. I am now 21 years old. She was my Youth Pastor but now she is Pastor of special projects and pubic relations. Pastor Evans however, still has tremendous burden for the Youth. She wants to see body of Christ example youth, youth’s adults and singles grow spiritually. She was saved from December 311st, 1987. Since that she now gave advice to young people. I still now come to her for advice on different situations example dating, sex etc. Everyone needs to talk to someone because we all face situations and she now the General Overseer of the Youth. She wrote her first book called “single season.” Some people cannot talk to their parents or one else. God place her life because I did not have anyone to talk to for advice. She gives me good advice. At the present I calls her spiritually mother because she was their for me when needed someone to talk to.
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This article has been read 775 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Norma OGrady
12/08/06
Norma OGrady
12/08/06
Very touching story line.
You may need to take an English course on how to structure sentences. Read your writing along the way and try to pattern it in a way where people won't have trouble understanding what you trying to say. (Quote from your writing). My Pastor is Illsa S. Evans she is woman after God’s own heart. Well I had a chance to meet her at point in my life when I was down. I meet personally in 1998 sometime. I went her for advice on something I was dealing with in life. At that time when met her I was fourteen years old.)
I would have written it like this...My Pastor is Illsa S. Evans. (period) (then start a new sentence) She is woman after God’s own heart. I had a chance to meet her at a point in my life when I was down. I met her personally sometime in 1998 . I went to her for advice on something I was dealing with in life. At that time when I met her I was fourteen years old. This is just an example. Can you see the difference?
God bless you!! keep writing!
Clarissa Barge
12/09/06
Good article and a reminder of the "Good" in people and how we need each other. Take your time while writing. Read and re-read it to yourself or tape record it so you can hear how we will be reading it. If your lacking in English, it will always sound okey. I suggest that you ask someone to listen and help correct your mistakes. Thanks and continue on in your learning and writing.
Sara Harricharan
12/14/06
This was pretty good. A few spaces would make it easier to read, but it was good overall. :)
Jesus Puppy 
12/14/06
Please send me an Email to [email protected]

I would like to help you on the restructuring of this piece. Perhaps in doing so it could show you things to look for in the future.

Breaking down the paragraph, watching for verb shifts, even repetitive word use, even expanding the thought lines for better reading.
william price
12/14/06
Very nice. I can tell you write from your heart. Your writing is honest and true. You just need to develope a few more story writing skills to involve your reader more. And that's what this is about; learning, so we can deliver God's message as effectively as possible. As I have mentioned in other comments to get the reader to care about the message of your story, we need to care about your characters. Dialogue helps alot. And giving the reader a little visual of the character adds depth to the story. You have a good writing "voice", you just need to work on a few other things to make your story more readable. You did great here and I believe I wil be reading even better things from you in the future. God bless.
Phyllis Inniss 
12/14/06
Thanks for sharing your heart-felt emotions about your pastor. You should take up the offer of the previous reviewers to help you in your writing. Please don't give up.