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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Lifeguard (11/09/06)
Theres never a lifeguard around when you really need one.Ha-Ha!

non-fiction

One late afternoon my family was taking a leisurely boat ride out in the Louisiana Bayou's.Numerous but harmless alligators roamed the wet marshy swamp lands.Dad eventually pulled up to a floating barge to refuel.On the spur of the moment I decided to take a quick swim.While diving into the cool murky waters my foot became entangled and pinned to a sunken boat ramp.I was submerged in 7-8 ft of water and my air supply was depleating rapidly.I tried not to panic as I cautiously reached downward to explore my entrapment.My shakey hands clawed their way through the midnight blackness determined to find the culprit.A thick rusty 6 inch nail protruding from a rotton boat ramp below had snagged my foot.The horrific nail penetrated my ankle and ran completely through my foot coming out at the bottom.It took an intense struggle of tugging,jerking,and wiggling to pry my foot loose. After reaching the surface I began grasping for air.Everybodys outing was ruined because I was whisked away to the doctors office for a tetnus shot.

Many years later I become a certified lifeguard and I am no longer afraid of the water.
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This article has been read 786 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
11/17/06
Yikes! What a terrifying story!

Your story would be even more readable with a few quick fixes: a space after each period, for example, would be easier on your readers' eyes.

You did a great job of telling about your watery adventure.
Joanne Sher 
11/17/06
What a scary experience! I would have loved more detail on this - a little background, description of setting, etc. Also Jan's suggestions. But this definitely had me riveted. Keep writing!
Donna Powers
11/18/06
That must have been very frightening. You described it well and it had only a few minor errors. Keep writing and sharing!
Connie Van Berkel
11/18/06
Perilous waters is an understatement! I would be interested to read this story with added embellishments.
Cherry Bieber 
11/19/06
Thank You, Lord, for dry land whereupon alligators (harmless?) do not dwell! My foot aches with your pain! :0)
Leigh MacKelvey
11/20/06
Ouch! Once my brother had a nail stuck in his foot. So I could relate! Your writing is very descriptive and I liked the story. Funny how our experiences lead us to learn more about how to handle them or to help others!
Shanti Singh
11/23/06
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad everything worked out okay! I would like to encourage you to perhaps use a bit of dialog to help us to "see" the story unfold. What did people say when you were pulled out of the water? What was your response to them, etc. Keep writing and keep sharing it at FaithWriters!!