The Official Writing Challenge
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This was a great story-theme was expertly woven in. Great job! I felt as if I were right there with him.
I found the story well written and spiritually insightful. This kind of writing definitely has a place in this dark world today. Continue writing. Continue being a light.
10/13/06
I applaud your choice of letting the little girl die in order to make your point. Some of your words choices were perhaps a bit off-- watch out for breathe / breath and seized / ceased, and go easy on the adjectives. Your writing is promising and full of possibilities--thanks for this story which depicts hard emotions truthfully.
10/14/06
Nice work, and I can understand the man's questioning, but I found myself wondering who he was having a conversation with.

This was a good word picture, and you portrayed some difficult emotions very well.
10/24/06
What powerful emotions here! I agree that perhaps the adjectives got a little in the way. They keep telling us that powerful nouns work better. I need to work on that too! I was expecting the girls dad to be talking to him or someone else predictable like that. I'm glad it wasn't. Good job.