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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: River (08/31/06)
There is that old river
With my house atop the hill
Everyday, I could hear the wind
With a deep, loud shrill.

Morning by morning, I walk to the river
I watch the grass blow wild
The birds chirp, and the squirrels scramble
Happiness fills my heart, I feel like a Child.

I smile along with the sun,
And I dance like the grass.
I run with the squirrels
And I reach the river, alas.

I marvel at God's beauty
As I read his loving word
I smiled up at the sky
And my heart jumped and stirred.

I remembered when I was baptized
It was in that old river
When I died and rose again
The thought gave me a shiver.

It then, started to rain.
“You have blessed my life Lord,
My life as been fulfilled with great things
Without you, my life wouldn’t have been a reward.”
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This article has been read 1309 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Donna Powers
09/09/06
Very nice! There is a carefree feeling in this poem, and it brought me joy.
Amy Michelle Wiley 
09/10/06
Very sweet poem! I enjoyed it!
Patrick Oden
09/11/06
There is a carefree quality, I agree, and it is a joy to read. There's also something under the surface, a depth, a meaning. There's something here that pulls me into the words and into the place. There is a joy but also a curious retreat away from the joy, as you alternate ending each stanza with a positive, then something cautious. Shrill, then child. Alas, then stirred. Shiver, then... reward. But somehow I feel like you stepped back from the scene in that last stanza and finished off with more expected "Christian" sentiments.

"It then started to rain..." I think leads to something deeper you had to say but didn't commit and put in the last phrases instead. Though, that's just my impression.

Very nice work. It grabbed my mind to look deeper, always a good sign.

Deborah Bauers
09/11/06
I agree with the comment above. There is tender message here of remembrance. Watch your tense use so that you don't switch back and forth. You might want to tighten up your meter so that this flows a bit more nicely. Your message would also make a wonderful free verse..let is meander like your river! Thanks for sharing.
Jesus Puppy 
09/11/06
A blessing in the rememberance of where that reward comes from.. loved that last line.. Well done Kiddo..
Joanne Sher 
09/11/06
Wonderful, wonderful message! This was lovely - tightening up the meter would make it even better!