Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Melody (08/24/06)
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TITLE: The Melody Within | Previous Challenge Entry
By Tashina Warren
08/30/06 -
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I did not go to church for so many years because I believed he was punishing me for something. He was my life, my melody within. He was also my knight in shining armor. He rescued me when I need rescuing. He was there when I needed someone to talk to. He was always there to listen to my problems, but then I turned away from it all. I could no longer hear His voice crying out to me. I could no longer see Him.
I always had songs in my head about Him. When I turned away from it all, the melody within me started to fade more and more each day until I no longer heard it.
I felt so alone for so long. There were some days that I did believe in Him, but then I started questioning myself. How does anyone know if here is truly a God in Heaven? How will we ever know? Why did I push myself away from Him, if He is really real? Does He hate me for some odd reason?
I then started sitting down in the grass at home in my backyard away from everyone, and began writing in my personal journal. I wrote about everything I was going through at the time, and everything I knew about other people going through. When I started doing this, I started to feel something. Something that I could not and still cannot describe. I felt as if He was near me, reading every word I was writing. I also began to write about my grandmother, but then it came out as an apology letter. I just wished my grandmother could see and read what I wrote. Something told deep down that she did, and that she forgave me, but I have yet to forgive myself.
I don’t think Jesus will ever let me into His valley until I forgive myself. I just do not know if I will ever be able to forgive myself. I pray each night for Him to help me forgive myself, so I can live in His valley and hear His melody once more.
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Well done!