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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Melody (08/24/06)
I walked into the church; the church that I once before went to. I looked up, and there he was. I felt tears forming in my eyes as he hung there in agony. No one did anything to prevent it from happening. Several people wonder why, but can anyone seriously answer that question? I guess no one will ever know why no one did anything.

I did not go to church for so many years because I believed he was punishing me for something. He was my life, my melody within. He was also my knight in shining armor. He rescued me when I need rescuing. He was there when I needed someone to talk to. He was always there to listen to my problems, but then I turned away from it all. I could no longer hear His voice crying out to me. I could no longer see Him.

I always had songs in my head about Him. When I turned away from it all, the melody within me started to fade more and more each day until I no longer heard it.

I felt so alone for so long. There were some days that I did believe in Him, but then I started questioning myself. How does anyone know if here is truly a God in Heaven? How will we ever know? Why did I push myself away from Him, if He is really real? Does He hate me for some odd reason?

I then started sitting down in the grass at home in my backyard away from everyone, and began writing in my personal journal. I wrote about everything I was going through at the time, and everything I knew about other people going through. When I started doing this, I started to feel something. Something that I could not and still cannot describe. I felt as if He was near me, reading every word I was writing. I also began to write about my grandmother, but then it came out as an apology letter. I just wished my grandmother could see and read what I wrote. Something told deep down that she did, and that she forgave me, but I have yet to forgive myself.

I don’t think Jesus will ever let me into His valley until I forgive myself. I just do not know if I will ever be able to forgive myself. I pray each night for Him to help me forgive myself, so I can live in His valley and hear His melody once more.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Sara Harricharan
09/01/06
This was very deep. I love the way you wrote this.
Joanne Sher 
09/01/06
Very tactile - I felt right along with you. Very nicely written!
Donna Powers
09/03/06
You expressed these thoughts very well, and I felt the person's struggle vividly.
Well done!
Marilyn Schnepp 
09/06/06
Nice piece of work; however, when you write in first person, it's difficult not to use the "I" word...but every paragraph began with it, and I would suggest you find different ways of expressing yourself without the repetitive "I". But nicely done and well written.
Mo
09/06/06
This might be even richer if there were some specifics? I found myself wondering what exactly made you turn away... and what happened with the grandmother. If this account is "true" (as opposed to fiction), I hope you find forgiveness -- and peace.