Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Valley (08/10/06)
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TITLE: Seventeen Is A Valley | Previous Challenge Entry
By Sara Harricharan
08/16/06 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
There’s a gap somewhere
In between
Wake up in the morning
Greet a sunrise
Send a smile upwards
Just one day left
She’s counted the days
Down to the minutes
Can hardly wait
But can’t really rush it
Sweet sixteen
Was pure bliss
A treasure from above
Her Heavenly Father’s gift
A year of her own
Filled with laughter
And feelings so deep
Welling up within her
The memory of sixteen
So alive and vibrant
Like the sounds
Of rushing winds
Blowing past the gates
Filling a void
In the canyon of her heart
To rebuild a bridge
Trying to fall apart
She’s changing slowly
Mostly quietly
Staying in the shadows
Growing up silently
Perhaps unsure
Of what she wanted
That is now so near
Sixteen was great
Bubbling with brightness
Brimming with songs
Stuffed full of energy
Seventeen was bright
It sounded happy
She couldn’t wait to get there
Her big moment
Is hours away
Her heart wishes forgetful
Time has galloped past
On Thoroughbred of fire
Leaving behind a charred track
Looming ominously
Dangerously close
She’s slipping and falling
In a foggy nightmare
Walls on every side
Hemming her in
Rough-hewn and jagged
Precise edges chiseled
Along the top
Many cracks
Decorating the sides
Seventeen is a valley
That’s swallowed her whole
Holding her captive
To a life of old
Refusing to let go
Daring her to change
To escape to her world
And remain the same
Hope can whisper
All it wants
Shine its beacon
Into the depths
Maybe she’ll see
There is a difference
One that will take
Her deepest commitment
Seventeen is a valley
One of adventure
Changing a young girl
To the woman she truly is
Firm, but immoveable
Like the love
That’s followed her
A valley deep and empty
For the emotions of a lifetime
To flood without fear
Natural and perfect beauty
Just like her
Handprint of her creator
“Happy birthday my dear”
It may be scary
Terrifying at first
But it all gets better
Through a never-ending thirst
To want to know more
The love for life
Fledgling of hope
Flying in the night
She is steadied from above
Comforted with a Father’s love
Stretching, reaching
Across the void
To touch the other side
Through the window
In her mind
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The thoughts here were a little jumbled, with a handful of changes in tense adding to the confusion for the reader.
Perhaps reorganize this, concentrating a little more on the progression (maybe chronological?).
Good entry, and keep writing!