Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Vision (08/03/06)
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TITLE: New Way | Previous Challenge Entry
By Matthew Gedeon
08/05/06 -
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Invade the dark corners of my mind.
I've found the secret dim lit book of times my heart has turned
And what I see evades my ability to change, I haven't even learned
What sort of man I am or what I may become.
A shadow warrior I have been
A warrior in the shadows of indecision.
Sure of what I don't want to be but what to become, unknown.
Revision needed, time abounds, but what is that which distracts me so?
No! Could it be Sin?
I've feared my secret would be found by someone who knows too much!
What is it that weighs so heavily I can barely stand truths touch?
Yes father I promise to give it up.
This confession is written on a heart that needs revival.
Survival isn't all I need, new life, and clean
Pure life, set apart for God. Armed with purpose,
No longer in denial.
This is my vision; to be changed from being worthless.
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We all struggle with these feelings, I think. At least I know I have.
A thought about the way you divided the lines of your verses: When I write a poem I like to have a thought completed on a line when possible. If it has to go to another line to keep the lines shorter, I try to divide it in places that make sense or at least give a pause in a good place. Think about that in your opening verse especially. I found myself rereading to understand your thoughts.
Oh and I would capitalize it when you refer to God as "Father".
It can be hard to lay out your honest thoughts and make yourself vulnerable like that but I think it does help to identify with others. We all struggle but God is good. His grace is enough. Keep writing.
The split line and "father" not being capitalized were both intentional. I was attempting to create somthing you would have to read twice to understand. (and still not be sure which meaning I meant, because I meant both.)
Perhaps it appeals to a niche audience, or no one at all, but I like it the way it is. And thank you for commenting. I value comments dearly since they give me some idea of what I might need to improve to connect with people better.