Humor

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“This might be the big one, Doc. I hear the angels humming in the distance, which is kind of odd since I thought they only floated around and said “Holy, Holy, Holy.”

“I’m just here to get your vitals” the nurse said compassionately as she strapped a blood pressure thingy on my arm and jammed a thermometer in my mouth. “The doctor will see you shortly.”

She left and after only twenty minutes or so a man came in the room with a cart full of medical looking items. He must be the doctor.

“You made it just in time doctor. I could see a light! It was beautiful.”

“I’m here to draw some blood.” The next thing I knew he took a rubber band and tied it around my arm with such tenderness my arm started going numb. I was barely in time to turn my head away before he proceeded to drain ninety percent of the blood from my left arm. “The doctor will be here to check on you in just a minute.”

He should have specified which minute because it turned out to be one three hours from when I checked in the “emergency” room. At least I think it was three hours. Someone came in with some pills to help me relax and time seemed to just ease by. The pain in my chest eased up after that though and I started to feel I might make it after all. It would return when I began receiving the medical bills.

The first one I received caused a little alarm but I reasoned that it was a small price to pay for the comfort of knowing I would still be around for a while. Then the next two came. Then another. A few more a week later. They just kept coming. I received bills from everyone that looked at me along with their superiors, their grandmothers, their neighbors, and I think another patient that was in the room next to me. I should have known better than to get sick this close to Christmas.

I was pleasantly surprised at how willing most of these bill people were to work with me on paying these bills. Then came the straw that nearly put me back in the hospital. The letter threatening me with a collection agency. It was from the doctor’s office.

Wait a minute! I never saw this doctor. My doctor was a woman and this bill is from a man. Something fishy is going on here. After listening to a hundred different recorded messages, I finally heard the voice of a real person and began to plead my case. This was to no avail. He was the doctor that signed off on all the procedures that were inflicted on me. He could have at least looked in my room and said hello before billing me. A quick calculation in my head to add up all the people that were in the emergency room at the same time as I was netted him a cool ten thousand dollars for about six hours of “signing off” for our temperature and blood pressure to be taken.

What to do, what to do! These were my thoughts as I pondered a big, burly guy coming and taking my 1997 Geo Tracker with two hundred and sixteen thousand miles on it for the payment of the doctor bill. The sad part of it is that he would probably charge me for hauling off my old vehicle. Maybe I could borrow money from the bill collector in order to pay off the doctor.

Allowing myself a few moments of self pity remedied nothing. I have always paid my bills and to be threatened as if I am a low-down, dirty, good for nothing, bottom dealing, double-dippin’ deadbeat really irked me. It was time to pull out the big guns. I should have done this in the first place. But I didn’t.

Now, sadly, I am on my knees asking forgiveness for waiting so long to get on my knees. “Cast all your cares upon me” became a gentle reminder of the love that God has for His people and me specifically. I’m not sure how God will handle the situation, but I am sure He will handle it better than I have.

For over fifteen years now, I have been going to Him with this same prayer. He has never failed yet.

I just hated to call on Him when my multi-thousand dollar problem was only acute heartburn.

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