Poetry
I remember when I saw the world through younger eyes. I dreamed of being anyone but myself.
In years of pain, from my family ties, I always imagined I was anyone, but the boy I could never figure out.
I changed in ways I never should, to fit a life of being told, "You will never succeed." I blamed everyone for my downfalls, and dwelled on a past looking for retribution, or absolution that would never come.
I was so hurt in my soul, and in my heart. I had so much anger that if my very chest were a cannon, I would have blown my heart of anger out into a dazzling display of self-destuction.
I never knew then, that my destruction was imminent, all I needed to do, was stay on the same path. It would just be a slower death.
A time came when I was so full of justified anger, and self imposed fear, that I had faced my death many times for no-one to know.
I prayed for death, but feared dying. I had experienced so much, and so little in the same burned out life. I needed to change, I needed to change. I needed God.
I looked upon God as a powerful man that always wanted to hurt me. He and I had to come to terms. If I was to have a father. I needed Him to show me what one was. I didn't know how to be a child, my childhood innocence had long passed away, and all that was left, was a shell that harbored terrible hatred, and rotted secrets. I didn't even feel human.
The road to being comfortable in my own skin, was a long, and narrow road choked with thorns, and roses. I was just so happy to see a rose for the first time. Any change within myself, became epiphanies of sweet fragrance that should have happened so long ago. God brought them into my life at the right time. I can say with eternal gratitude.
I do stop and smell the flowers.
Father God. I am all that I am, because you loved me first. I will do anything for you. You have done everything for me. Thank you for helping me to see myself, as the person I want to be. Next to eternity with You. It is the most precious gift, anyone ever gave to me.
I am yours forever. Duncan Toofies.
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