Encouragement

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The darkness came within the night
And filled my heart with fears;
Removing boundaries of life
In pain, confusion, tears.

The trust and faith of innocence
He shattered to the core;
And in its place, the lie revealed
The guilt and shame I bore.

Throughout the years, the bricks were set
The wall was built to hide;
The trembling, hurting, dying soul
The lie had sealed inside.

Marked by a smile to hide behind
So no one had to see;
This ravaged soul of brokenness
The wounded child in me.

Then anger raged within my heart
No faith was found in me;
My hardened heart just couldn’t trust
The God I could not see.

But Mercy heard, and Mercy saw
He grieved, He mourned, He wept;
For buried in the tomb He saw
The memories that slept.

And evil danced a happy dance
The lie, he thought had won;
The soul he stole away from God
Left tattered and undone.

And Mercy heard, and Mercy saw
He wept, He grieved again;
And called the little girl within
This woman stained by sin.

“I know the plans I have for you”
I heard the Lord God say;
“What Satan meant for evil child
I’ll use for good this day.”

“The ancient ruins will be rebuilt
And restoration true;
And all once lost, will be restored
Behold, all things are new.”

And evils laughter turned to screams
As chains began to fall;
The yokes and bondages released
For Blood had covered all.

“For Satan comes to kill, and steal”
Destruction is his game;
Determined to convince the soul
“Unworthy”, “You’re to blame.”

And God in mercy comforted
Renewed my heart and mind;
Now with the comfort I’ve received
No child is left behind.



2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

(NKJ)


Emotional Pain;
Wounds that are delivered blow by blow, to the psyche; the heart of what makes a person who they are.
Wounds that cannot be measured in bruises and bumps, or cuts and scrapes;
Wounds that fester, but do not bleed;
Wounds that leave their mark upon the heart.

Sometimes, there is a pain so deep that most people cannot comprehend the depth of emotions that rule the life of an Adult Survivor of Childhood Sexual Assault. Sure, they may be sympathetic at first, but all too often that sympathy is short lived. For the briefest of moments, a heart reaches out to those who have endured such pain, with enough compassion to be touched by the horrors of abuse, but they lack the understanding behind the mental, emotional, and spiritual battles, survivors face on a daily basis. More often than not, the response is, “It’s in the past, get over it.” While that may be easy for some to do, to those, such as myself, living beyond the rule of the inner struggle is not a simple task, and it is one that cannot be done alone. The first step in any type of recovery is finding someone to counsel you. I suggest Christian counseling because of the spiritual aspect that is involved with sexual abuse. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying any other counselor is bad, but the best effects secular counseling can offer are a “band-aid” effect to a wound in need of spiritual surgery. I do not condemn professionals for their compassionate efforts, but they lack the spiritual understanding when it comes to the matters of the heart. They can and do offer good advice, but they cannot offer freedom from the emotional struggles, and they do not have the ability to reach into the past and heal the emotions. Only Jesus Christ offers that kind of freedom and healing, and a Christian counselor should lead you in that manner. If you are currently under the care of a Christian counselor, and they are not leading you to Jesus Christ as your healer, find another counselor.

Sadly, many women do not seek any help at all. They have determined in their own minds to never be a victim again, and continue on with life dealing with their emotions the only way they know how…by themselves. Some will find themselves embittered, disappointed, disheartened, disillusioned and wondering how life could be so hard. While others will become door mats, rolling over and allowing the waves of life to toss them here and there, becoming a victim to the circumstances of life.

As a woman, I identify with the woman’s struggle to exist within the prison of sexual abuse. I understand the mark on the life of the female who has been used in this manner. The mask we hide behind, the shame and guilt we feel, and the utter disappointment for allowing “it” to make us who we are. I remember telling myself no one would ever hurt me again. I would use them (lumping all men into the abuser category) before they used me. I would be the one who walked away with the trophy. I would be in control and no one would ever, EVER have the opportunity to hurt me again. I told myself it wouldn’t affect me, but deep in my heart, I knew it would. I knew the acceptance I longed for could not be found in a string of one night stands, nevertheless, I convinced myself it was the only way to protect my heart. In reality, the only thing my behavior accomplished was to deepen the wounds already there, and validate the lie I had come to believe.

Whether or not we acknowledge and accept it, the attitude of our heart is the mindset that rules us on the emotional level. Just to determine in our mind to be free, is not enough. It takes Someone greater than ourselves, and greater than our emotional struggles, to lead us out of the prison we live in.

I lived in a prison for over 25 years. Not a physical prison consisting of concrete and iron bars, but rather, I was chained and shackled to the thoughts and beliefs that were taught to me as a young child. I ate, drank, breathed, acted, and reacted within a prison full of emotional upheaval, hurt, and pain. The smile I wore on my face told a lie to the world that I was normal; I was okay, because no one REALLY wanted to know what I looked like on the inside. No one REALLY cared enough to want to know what was behind that smile. At least, that’s what I grew up believing.

I remember a card I received after my divorce, from a lady I have known since I was a teenager. She and her husband conducted the Youth Bible Study I had attended back in high school. I hadn’t seen either one of them since I was 21 so, I sent them a note to say hi, and let them know I was thinking of them. Within a few weeks she had returned the gesture. One sentence she wrote has stuck with me. She said, “I remember your beautiful smile, and I can only wonder what that smile hides.” She may not even remember writing those words to me, but around that same time, I had begun a journey to find my healing; a journey that has led me right here, right now.

What good can come from what I’ve been through? I’m glad you asked. I realize that some of the things I share may come as a shock, and might even cause you to doubt the validity of my sanity but; what good is what I went through, and am overcoming, if I don’t share with you what I know? Maybe because of what I’ve been through and now tell you, someone, somewhere along the line, will come to understand that they were never destined to exist in torment within their soul. Maybe, because of the words I speak, someone will find healing for the wounds that rule their emotions. Maybe someone, somewhere can be set free.

In my opinion, and based on what I have lived, and what I have come to believe, and trust God to reveal to you, is this. When anyone is sexually abused there are at least two things that happen in the spiritual realm. The first, is the same as when a man and woman come together to consummate their marriage; the bible states “and the two shall be one flesh.” Two separate souls joined together as one, by the act of intercourse. When God looks upon that couple, He doesn’t see them as two separate individuals; He sees one person, each one is an extension of the other. It is my belief that during sexual abuse the same meshing together of souls happens, but with spiritual perversion. The perversion is brought about by the forced sexual act upon an unwilling recipient. In marriage, a man and a woman both consent to give their bodies to the other. However, in rape, the intimacy of a woman’s soul that belongs to her is forcibly taken from her-it is not a willing sacrifice, thereby the rapists creates one from the two.
The second thing that happens is, a demon is assigned (or attaches itself) to the victim, in order to oppress, afflict, and torment (I also believe this can also be directly linked to the sexual battles most survivors face in adulthood). The degree of trauma to the child or woman, may determine the degree of affliction, and torment. I make that statement with some hesitancy. One, because I don’t want to imply that everyone who has been raped or molested now has a demon running around behind them, and two, I don’t want to imply that I am crazy… Although, in reading this, you may find it explains a lot…just as I said.

What I do know for sure is this; from the time I was a little girl, it seemed like I wore a sign on my forehead announcing I was an easy target. And over the course of 7 or 8 years, no matter where my parents moved us, there was always, ALWAYS someone else who was willing to be the next abuser. We had moved hundreds of miles away from my original attacker, and yet, abuse easily found me. As I look back, I know I didn’t wear a physical sign, but I did wear a type of sign. I believe God has given me the wisdom to understand where that “sign” came from. The demonic activity that resulted from the abuse I suffered, allowed that demon to literally lure abusive men toward me from the outward “signs” I offered. I don’t recall the actions I had as a child, but do recall my teenage and young adult years. I recall the way I walked, always looking down to the ground, never looking anyone in the eye. I was extremely shy and timid, never stood up for myself, except in rare instances. I assumed I was an outcast; I acted like an outcast, and was treated as one. I was an easy target. A pushover. Ask anyone. I could not handle aggressive people. I hated confrontation-still do. I tried to avoid pressure of any kind, and in the right environment, I could not say no. Those same signs that marked my young life followed me into adulthood. Satan knew exactly what buttons to push, and what type of people to bring into my path. He knew my weaknesses, and because he had me convinced this was my life, he played on every single one.

Satan loves to take the things of God and pervert them. We’ve already established God’s creation of sexual relations within the boundaries of marriage, and one way he (Satan) has perverted it is through removing sexual boundaries in children.

Proverbs 22:
Do not move the ancient boundary which your fathers have set. (NKJ)

When God created man and woman, He established sexual intimacy to be contained within the marriage relationship, between one adult man, and one adult woman. Children are to be innocent about sexual matters, until such time that it becomes prudent for instruction and personal knowledge. The removal of those boundaries in a young child sends a confusing message. The child perceives something isn’t right, but because she is taught to listen to adults, a conflict arises within her heart of “doing what she is told” and “running from what she perceives isn’t right.” A child who is introduced to such intimacy of relationship is given a gross perception of truth; a distortion of what is, and isn’t acceptable behavior. Sexual passion has a time and a place. Awakening that passion before its time will open the door for demonic activity to the child’s life.

The perversion continues throughout the life of a child and into adulthood. You’ve heard the expression “hurting people hurt people.” It’s true. Someone who has been abused will end up becoming an abuser in one way, or another, including the ill-treatment of your own physical body. Not all abusers will abuse another person, sometimes abuse comes in the form of personal attacks on your self, including drug abuse, alcohol abuse, self mutilation, promiscuity, etc. Whatever the case may be, mistreating your body is a form of abuse. When it comes right down to it, human beings do not know how to handle the intense emotions associated with sexual abuse. We were never intended to. We know what happened should not have, and because it did, we want to “fix” ourselves back to our original non-abuse state, but because we can’t, we figure something must be wrong with us, and because we are defective, our behavior and treatment of our bodies is justified.

Ask yourself this. What is the one thing Satan desires? Isn’t his greatest desire to bring as many souls as possible, into hell before he is thrown into the Lake of Fire? I think we all can say a collective “YES!” right here. But, if you have already accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior, then Satan knows you aren’t going to hell. So, what is his next step if he can’t have you in hell? Wouldn’t it be to prove God a liar? Here, we can say another collective “YES!” If Satan can convince you the promises of God aren’t true, (planting doubt in the place of the heart where life is perceived to be) then your ability to walk as a daughter of the most-high God is in serious trouble. A wall of separation is constructed between you and God, and built higher as the doubt grows. And, as doubt grows, your relationship with God, your trust in God, and your hope in God are all destroyed. You will then become a non-threat to the kingdom of darkness.

Satan will stop at NOTHING in order to accomplish this, even to the point of destroying a childs life. If Satan can convince you, through the external and internal pressure he applies, to live in doubt, he may never have to worry about you for the rest of your life.
So, where do we begin? What steps do we take to reverse the damage already done? Here are a few things you should know.

1. You were NOT created for abuse,
2. There is NOTHING wrong with you,
3. You did NOT do anything to deserve that kind of treatment! and
4. His Grace and Mercy are sufficient to unlock the doors of the abuse prison.

If you’ve been sexually assaulted; whether as a child, a teenager, or as an adult, those 4 statements are your first steps in finding healing for your wounded soul. Isn’t it time you exchanged the lies for the truth?

The emotional trauma dealt to a victim of sexual assault produces an internal bondage of abuse. I call this “The Abuse Prison.” Many women, who have been assaulted, are forced to deal with emotional and spiritual battles we are not equipped to handle. (And assault is defined as any unwanted or unsolicited sexual action/behavior or innuendos forced upon, or directed toward, you) Our churches are full of women who believe something is wrong with them because, no matter how great the church is, or how wonderful the Pastor is, they just haven’t been able to get over what happened to them. The guilt and shame they live with is a shame itself, because the church does not understand them. The church isn’t equipped, or prepared, to counsel or support these women, and it grieves the heart of God to watch His daughters; His blood bought daughters, walking under the pressure of the abuse prison, and covering it up with a smile. It isn’t right that such suffering can be found within the Body of Christ.

I consider myself one of the lucky ones. God placed me in a Church where I could receive the help I needed. I have a wonderful woman of God I can go to, and I have a Pastor who hears the heart of God, and relays it to the body. For almost an entire year, God directed my Pastor’s sermons directly to me. I spent almost every Sunday of that year pouring myself out to God, because the truth had been presented to me. I had a safe environment where God could release me from the pain, which had kept me in captivity for so long.

God sees His daughters struggling everyday just to maintain their joyful appearance; the external facade that’s afraid to let their secret be known; fearing their inability to feel like His beloved daughter, and not understanding the dead, or dying, spirit within them.
You need to understand, when abuse is covered over; when we fail to deal with the past; the pain of our soul begins to fester. The results of a festering soul are often carried out through the thoughts we have about ourselves, how we think God looks at us, how we perceive others to view us, our self worth, the value we place on our lives, what we think we deserve, and how we live out our lives through our actions (Living life as we have perceived it to be). God does not want us to be ignorant of what the enemy of our soul is trying to do. If you understand your enemy, and what he is trying to accomplish, your life will begin to have a little light shed on it.

The fact is, evil is in this world, and will be until the day God casts him into hell. Until that day, there are going to be innocent victims of abuse, because of man’s sinful nature. Living in this world, in its fallen state, was not God’s original intent for mankind. The scriptures tell us that through the sin of the one man (Adam) all of us are born into sin, but through the sacrifice of the One Man, Jesus, we are made righteous.

What is the good news in all of this? The good news is Jesus Christ has given us the ability to walk out of the prison of the past. We no longer have to stay there! The day that Jesus died on the cross, and shed His blood; it not only gave us the final sacrifice for the atonement of sin; His death, and resurrection provided us with the freedom He knew we would need. It is very applicable for you and me today, at this time, and for this very purpose. The Blood of Jesus Christ can be applied to your past, and God CAN heal your wounded soul, giving you the ability to find joy, and purpose in life.

Healing may involve several things and God tailors each healing on an individual basis. He knows what I need, and He knows what you need in order to be set free. However, I am confident that the healing process includes facing, head-on what happened in the past, and allowing those painful memories to surface. I do not think anyone can be truly set free unless they deal with the actual emotions the past has caused. Even though it hurts, in order to remove the control the past has over you (the affliction and torment) you must face it, and allow God to bring you through it. That is the only way we can truly overcome. There is no easy program to follow. It takes asking God to start the process (and it is a process) and then allowing Him the access into the wounded, bleeding part of your soul. He does all the work. The beautiful work of God, not only heals us from the emotional pain, but God will take all that has been destroyed and restore us, and help us to rebuild the parts of our souls, which lie in ruins.

This journey has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and there have been plenty of times I didn’t think I could do it anymore. Many times the struggle inside was too much, but I knew if my life was to be worth living, it was going to have to come from the Hands of God Himself. And layer, by layer, God reveals, God ministers, and God heals.

You may be sitting there thinking “What a bunch of malarkey.” How can anything you’ve been through change? How can God make it better? My answer is Jesus Christ.

Matthew 12
41 "… something greater than Jonah is here.
42 "… and behold, something greater than Solomon is here.” (NKJ)

I’ve said this once, and I’ll say it again; it takes something greater than ourselves to break free from the prison of the past, and that someone is Jesus Christ. He is here right now, and He is greater than childhood sexual assault, He is greater than the past, greater than the emotions, and He is so much greater than the prison you live in! Jesus greatly desire’s to lead you out, even more than you desire to be released. Cry out to Him, He will hear you and He will answer you.

© 2006
“Whispers From My Heart” By: Cheryl Thompson

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