Encouragement

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You knew him once upon a time
So many years ago;
He offered you his friendship but,
Dear Daddy did you know?

One night he led me into hell
With terror to bestow;
And stole your daughter’s innocence
Dear Daddy did you know?

That night I pleaded; terrified
Oh please, don’t make me go;
You said “Enough! It’s settled now.”
Dear Daddy did you know?

I didn’t want to go there but
I went there anyway;
Endured the pain and agony
Afraid of what you’d say.

I didn’t call when he was done
Nor think that you would come;
Or want to save your little girl
Now broken and undone.
I’ve often wondered through the years
Why Daddy didn’t see;
Ignoring fear so obvious
And cries that came from me.

And how could Daddy never see
His daughter’s soul had died?
Behavior; attitudes that changed
Was evidence denied?

I’ve held this anger in my heart
Since I was only eight;
I’ve blamed you Dad for everything
And given in to hate.

Realities of what you said
That echoed through my mind;
Became the ache of memories
Transcending years of time.

But Daddy there is something else
I want for you to know;
Despite the pain and suffering
Compassions seed has grown.

My Father Who’s in heaven has
Redeemed my ruined past;
He taught me how to love; forgive
And walk through life at last.

There’s one more thing that you must know
Straight from your daughters heart;
If I’m to bridge the gap at all
Today’s the day to start.

I’ve chosen to release you from
Responsibilities;
That once demanded justice for
The shame inside of me.

And with release I now forgive
Your words of long ago;
I love you Dad with all my heart
Dear Daddy now you know.


When God created mankind, He included the fact that men would one day become the shepherds of little girls here on earth. That relationship, between a father and his daughter, is an important one. A father is supposed to be the teacher, provider and protector to his daughter(s). By his example, he teaches her the manly value and worth that is placed on her life. His actions and re-actions to her become her perceptions to the life lessons she will carry with her into adulthood. His life is an earthly representation of how her Father in Heaven views her. What she learns from her father here on earth becomes what she believes about her Heavenly Father.

The innocent heart of a man’s daughter trust’s from the beginning. She looks to her Daddy as strong, and she is confident that he is able to protect her from all harm. When she is afraid, he calms her fears. When she is sad, he comforts her. She looks to him with trusting eyes, even when she is afraid, because she knows he loves her and would do anything in his power to help her. With her Daddy, she is safe.
By the relationship every little girl has with her father, he not only represents the type, and shadow, of her Heavenly Father, but also the representation of the type of man she will eventually marry. A daughter learns a lot from the relationship with her father.

It should come as no shock to anyone what I’m about to say. Satan hates the family unit. He hates everything about it; what it represents, and how the bonds of family strengthen each individual member. Satan’s goal is, not only to destroy individuals, but to break down entire family units; if he can. He would rather pit a father against his daughter, a son against his mother, brothers against brothers, and sisters against sisters; in order to break the bond, and leave the individual members vulnerable.

One of the most difficult things I’ve ever struggled with has been the relationship with my father. I envy those daughters who have great relationships with their Dad’s. I don’t. It isn’t his fault; he tries, but I don’t think he knows how to “fix” what’s wrong. As I began to think upon this chapter, there were several things I realized. The first being, I was going to have to talk to my Dad. As I write this, to my knowledge, he still does not know what took place in the summer of 1970. I’ve wanted to tell him over the years; even constructing numerous letters to him, but I’ve never had the guts to actually mail them. The second thing I’ve realized is how hard this chapter is to write. I love my Dad, and I don’t want to hurt him. I also do not want him to feel guilty for something that was beyond his control. But, I have come to realize that I have been very angry at him for years. I didn’t think I laid any blame on my father, but hidden in my heart was the reason a gulf of separation exists between my Dad and me. Even though I know he didn’t have a clue what his friend was really like, I’ve held that anger in my heart and blamed him. I thought he should have known; he should have seen; he should have protected me. And because he didn’t, then he must not love me; I must not be worthy of his protection. And so, I withdrew myself from him.

Satan used one sentence; one single solitary sentence, my father said 35 years ago, to change the course of life as I had known it, and changed the perception I had of life. One sentence: exchanged innocence for knowledge, and turned faith into fear. One sentence, I have never been able to forget, and unable to forgive before now.

In the summer of 1970, my father’s friend’s daughter asked me to spend the night with her. I had told her I didn’t want to and thought it was settled I would be staying home (safe from her father). Somehow, it had already been discussed between my father and his friend, with my Dad giving his consent to let me stay. When it was time to go, my father told me to get my stuff so I could go. I looked at him, with terror in my eyes and said, “I don’t want to, I want to stay home.” I’m not sure what transpired between that statement and what I remember next, but I ran through the house screaming and crying, begging my father not to make me go. When he told me to “Stop acting like a baby, you’re going.” And that was it. My fate had been sealed.

I never told my father that his friend raped me that night. I never called my parents to come and get me, even the next day when his friend continued the abuse. I didn’t cry, I didn’t whine, I took it. The message, my little girl heart received that night was; I didn’t count. What I wanted-protection from his friend-wasn’t as important as what his friend wanted. As a child, I believed my father knew what his friend intended to do, and that is why he sent me there. From that night on, the relationship between my father and I deteriorated as rapidly as I withdrew from everything and everyone else. I was alone, and isolated, and extremely vulnerable for future attacks. I was defenseless.

The thoughts and feelings I had as a child weren’t left in my childhood. They became a way of life for me. Even as an adult, I’ve had to take each those thoughts, asses them individually, determine where they came from and decide if those thoughts were actual lies I perceived to be true, or the actual truth. Take for instance the thought, “my father knew what his friend was like, and that is why he sent me to spend the night.” As a rational adult, I know that is not a true statement. As a child, I didn’t know or trust my father’s heart toward me. The way I perceived the situation was not accurate. My father wasn’t a mind reader, and he couldn’t protect me from something he didn’t know about.

Child rape and molestation weren’t subjects widely discussed in the early 70’s. It was still considered a dirty secret, better suited to remain in the family closet. But, I’ve often wondered how different my life would have been if my father would have known. If, when I ran through the house terrified, begging him not to make me go, he would have scooped me into his arms, told me it was okay; I didn’t have to go. How would my life have turned out? Would I have grown up to be emotionally stronger? Would I have been wiser in my choice of men? Would I have thought more highly of myself? Would I have been less afraid? Would I have been able to say no? I can’t answer those questions.

The life I have consists of a traumatic past and it is just what it is, the past. It happened, and I must accept it as part of my background. It is the part of me that makes me who I am today. All the wishing in the world cannot change the fact that I was raped and molested-I know, I’ve wished, a thousand times over, my life could have been different. My father, not knowing there was a need to protect me from his friend, doesn’t change my Heavenly Father’s view of me. Does it matter what happened? Yes, it most certainly does! Does it matter to God? More than I can ever imagine! Does my past mean I am less loved, or less valuable? Absolutely, positively not! And the same is true for you.

What happened in the past, in no way defines who you are, as it doesn’t define who I am. We are defined by what God says we are. His daughters in Jesus Christ! Forgiven, sanctified, washed clean, blood bought daughters! And, that promise is something that can never be taken away from anyone of us.

Every one of us needs to know who our enemy is and what he is trying to do. The scriptures tell us that Satan comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, and that is exactly what he attempted to do to my heart, and the heart of my family. It’s clear to me now; the circumstances of my childhood were meant to separate me from my earthly representation of God, and alienate me from my family; leaving me vulnerable and weak.
One seed of truth, planted somewhere in my childhood, kept me looking for the actual truth, and by the grace of God, I walked into it.

Some may say I walked into it too late, that it’s too late to do anything now. I know I can’t change what happened back in 1970. I can’t take back the thoughts I’ve had about my father, but what I can do is ask God, the only One who can, to restore what has been taken from us. I have to take responsibility for allowing my perceptions of that night to become the defining moment of the relationship between my father and me, and I must be willing to look beyond the perceptions I had, as a child, of my earthly father, and trust in the heart of my Heavenly Father.

I love what the word restore means. To “bring back to, or put back into a former, or original state.” When God brings restoration, it isn’t a half baked job. I don’t believe God leaves us somewhat restored, but fully restored. Back to the former or original state we were in before anything happened. I believe that statement with all of my heart. God is working everything that is bad out of my heart, and restoring me into His original plan for my life. He is taking the negative thought influences, and exchanging them for purity, and restoring me to a pre-rape and a pre-molestation status. I can’t do this myself, I don’t know how, but I know the One who holds that capability, and I know I can trust in His heart. So can you Beloved. You can trust in the heart of God.

We do not have the ability change within ourselves. No matter how hard we try, we cannot fill that which is empty. We cannot restore that which has been taken. Only God can. God has a plan, and somehow, all the emotions that rattle around inside, are a part of His plan for our lives. For the reasons they shape us, and make us who we are. I don’t understand how such fierce emotions fit into the grand scheme of things, and how they bring God glory, but I do know this, God has promised that everything will work together for good.

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (NKJ)

God is not like a human man. He does not have the capability of lying. It goes against His very nature. He put His word into print so we would have something tangible to look at, to remind us of what He said. Read Romans 8:28 again and hold onto this promise with everything you’ve got. Sink your teeth into it and do not let it go. Meditate on it; say it over and over again.

Despite the pain you have endured, in spite of the hurt, God will cause those things to work together for your good, and for His glory. He will restore you and bring you back to your original state. Isn’t that a beautiful thought?

Restoration begins with forgiveness; releasing forgiveness for the offenses against you is a must. The healing power of doing so is important to the spiritual health of your heart.

God has a purpose, in everything He does, and everything He allows in our lives. Open your heart and mind to Him, and let the restoration begin.

© 2006
“Whispers From My Heart” By: Cheryl Thompson

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