Short Dramas and Plays
RADIO NEWS ROMANTICS
TED (News anchor)
RICHARD (News anchor)
KAREN (Field Reporter)
JAMIE (Script Girl)
HAL (Sports Guy)
KAREN:
And so, Ted, it looks like there’s going to be a clean-up here all night and into the morning.
TED:
Thanks, Karen. That was a very meaningful report.
KAREN:
You’re welcome, Ted. Back to you, Richard.
RICHARD:
In other news tonight--
TED:
Really meant a lot to me, that’s for sure.
KAREN:
Well, it’s my job, Ted.
RICHARD:
Yes, thank you, Karen. In other news, Oregon’s latest --
TED:
And you really do a good job of it.
KAREN:
Why, thank you Ted.
TED:
Probably the best I’ve ever heard.
KAREN:
Now, you’re just saying that…
RICHARD:
In other news…
TED:
And your voice is sooooo, reporter-like.
KAREN: (giggles)
Oh Ted! Stop it.
RICHARD: (coldly)
Thank you Karen, Ted—
TED:
Say, I was wondering if you want to…I don’t know, go for some coffee or something sometime…
KAREN:
Oh!
RICHARD: (quickly)
Moving on to our next news update --
TED:
I’ve always wondered if you and I had a chance together—
KAREN:
Ted, I never knew…
RICHARD:
Two people were shot and killed, and another injured--
TED:
Well, maybe you just didn’t notice my attention--
RICHARD:
In an attempted convenience store holdup gone bad—
TED:
An interoffice memo here, the special lilt in my voice whenever I introduced you on the air…
RICHARD:
In an attempted convenience store holdup gone bad—
KAREN:
But, I always thought you liked the script girl, Janie
RICHARD:
Police report the assailant is still at large—
TED:
Oh, me and Janie was just an attempt to get you jealous
JAMIE (exclamation off)
Ted!
RICHARD:
--And should be considered armed and dangerous…
TED:
It’s over, Janie… it… really never begun, actually
(SFX: Ream of paper decidedly flung at something breakable)
JAMIE:
Bastard! Get your own scripts from now on! (sound of yelp and sobbing trailing off)
RICHARD:
Residents should be on the lookout--
TED:
Maybe we could get together after the broadcast—
RICHARD:
Residents should be on the lookout—
KAREN:
I’d like that
RICHARD: (Very loud)
RESIDENTS SHOULD BE ON THE LOOKOUT—
TED:
Hey! Can you excuse us?? We’re trying to have a moment here!
RICHARD:
Look! We’re in the middle of a live news report!
TED:
You don’t understand “the moment”, do you, Richard. That’s why you can never get yourself a woman.
RICHARD:
Leave my dating life out of this. Be sensible. Karen has to stay with that spill and clean up all night, don’t you, Karen?
KAREN:
Oh, not really. It’ll work itself out. It’s only biohazard.
TED:
Hey, that’s great. Richard, can you handle things here?
RICHARD:
What are you talking about?
TED:
You can cover for me. I mean, there’s not much left is there? A dog rescue, house fire in some remote place, and then there’s sports, “blah blah blah scores,” no one listens to them, anyway—“
HAL: (off)
HEY!
TED:
Oh, get off it, Hal! Anyone who cares about the scores knows them before you do! They’ve been trying to get rid of you for years. We could replace you with a voice bulletin between commercials – it’d save us having to look at your ugly mug every day.
(SFX: Scuffling/scrabbling sounds,
HAL:
--I’m gonna kill him!
(SFX: Hal being restrained, Janie screaming/crying)
TED:
Karen? Want to meet some place cozy?
KAREN:
That’d be great, Ted.
JAMIE:
You BASTARD!
TED:
How ‘bout that special little place where you and I covered the Drug Turf Slayings?
RICHARD:
I don’t believe this…..
KAREN:
Oh, Ted, our first story together. You remembered.
HAL:
Lemme at him! Lemme at him!
TED:
You kidding? I’d never forget something as special as that….They’ve really fixed it up, it’s no longer a dive anymore. I’ll see you there in ten…
KAREN: All right. Toodles, Richard!
RICHARD: (With as much dignity as can be salvaged, riddled with irony)
And that’s the Radio News this hour, believe it, or not…
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