Humor

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THE SNITCH


I’m walking through the house with my cordless phone stuck to my ear giving out the latest gossip on sister so and so; when I caught a glimpse of myself as I passed a mirror in the hallway. It hit me. It was so ugly that I told my sister “Girl I’ll call your back later. I walked up a little closer to the mirror and a voice said, “If you want to talk so much, talk about something that will profit yourself and whoever is crazy enough to listen to you. Talk about my son, you know him, Jesus. Tell them that he loves them and that he died for their sins. Since you like to talk so much, run and tell that”. Being me and all, you know I couldn’t pass up a challenge, but I was going to go one better than running and telling it. I vowed to be a snitch . Everytime Jesus bip or bop I was going to tell it. I’m going to snitch on Jesus to whoever would listen. Matter of fact, he did something yesterday and I’m going to snitch on him right now. So I called my sister back and the conversation went something like this. Hey girl, I’m back. Got interrupted by God, you know Jesus daddy. You know I can’t hold water so let me tell you what that Jesus did yesterday. You know when I called you and told you they were going to shut off my lights if I didn’t come up with that $75.00. Well, you know I started praying that morning before breakfast and when I went to the mailbox there was a letter from the IRS with a check inside for exactly $75.00, talking bout they overcharged me. Now you know that wasn’t nobody but that Jesus. You know he like to be doing those miracles and stuff. Now girl you know he’s taking credit for saving my life and your life, that Jesus. I ain’t mad at him cause you know how he did that don’t you? You know he ain’t from here, he’s from heaven. Girl, God sent him down here disguised as a man, to show us how to live and tell us what he wanted us to know. Anyhow, he started walking around feeding the hungry, healing the sick and casting out devils and stuff. And you know people started following him around and he had these 12 partners, they were real close. He told them what was going to happen to him but they didn’t understand what he was saying, you know he be talking in parables and prophesying and if you don’t listen closely it will go right over your head. He just told them, “When I go to my father I will send someone in my place”. Anyway, these preachers heard about him doing all these miracles, some of them even saw him and got all jealous. They arrested him and beat him beyond recognition, and by the way, by all them stripes on his body we are healed. Anyhow, that Jesus he always got to be right and tell no lies, so they asked him who he was, and you know what he said? The Son Of God! Girl they were already jealous, now he went and told them he was God’s son. They really got mad, talking bout he think he is better than them. He was already getting too much attention and stealing their thunder, now he was trying to tell them he was just like God. Girl they crucified him. When they put him on that cross that’s when he saved our souls, he said “Father forgive them for they know not what they do”. As the blood ran down that cross, it washed away the past sins and the sins we are going to commit in the future. Girl he died on that cross, but guest what happened 3 days later? Jesus gonna wake up talking bout, SIKE. Now I got all power in my hands. Girl I think he let them try to kill him anyway cause he probably tired of walking. Girl, you know they didn’t have no buses are cabs in those days, so he walked all over the world to heal the sick, feed the hungry and casting out those devils. Girl that was a lot of walking . You know it was only one Jesus and he couldn’t be but one place at a time. Now that he is sitting up there on the throne next to his daddy, with all power in his hand, he commanded the Holy Spirit which he call The Comforter, and sent it down to watch over all of God’s Children. You talk to the Comforter, he talks to Jesus then Jesus talks to God. That’s the chain of commands. Well anyway girl, I gotta call everybody I know and tell on this Jesus cause guest what? Jesus said that if I live like he told me to live, love like he told me to love, give like he gives and spread this story I told you, God has a Mansion for me in heaven and the streets are made of gold. And you know he ain’t lying cause he put it in writing. It’s in black, white and red in the Bible. If his daddy can part the Red Sea, Create Heaven and Earth, and raise him from the dead, what’s a house with gold streets. Well sis, I got to call Becky and tell her the story, peace out.



Copyright@2005 Pamela M. Rhodes
A Little Somethin Somethin for my Christian Brothers and Sisters

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