Christian Living

Vertical Abuse

by paul hoffmaster
01/02/26
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There is a saying that “sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” That is a cute saying if you are in elementary school, but as one climbs the educational ladder, its relevance diminishes into simply a compilation of rhetorical nonsense.  More damage is done by the tongue than by any other weapon.  The tongue is user-friendly and can be reloaded in the twinkling of an eye.  The tongue can penetrate any ear, wounding both the mind and heart of the recipient.  What is so dangerous about the tongue is the lasting effects the words have on the unsuspecting victim.  Rejection, intimidation, ridicule, comparison, blame, transference, and anger are all verbal darts that can wound, disable, and even destroy an individual.

Families, churches, businesses, marriages, and friendships have been affected by either intentional or unintentional use of the tongue.  Some people can deal with verbal barrages, while others are so hurt that it takes a season to recover.  There are people so emotionally scared that they never recover.  Some people suffer physical and mental problems as a result of a loose, uncontrolled tongue.  

Sadly, it is in the family where some of the most deadly verbal attacks occur.  The majority of blood-based wounds are the most difficult to forgive; there are people today who are still suffering from verbal abuse from twenty or thirty years ago.

Forgetting the childhood rhyme, how do we approach the after-effects of verbal abuse?  How does the victim cope with the fiery darts of the verbal abuser?  A good start is to look at the accusations against Jesus and His response.  Jesus was accused of everything from blasphemy to demonic activity, from gluttony and drunkenness to subverting the nation of Israel and the breaking of the Sabbath.  He was accused of threatening to destroy the Temple.  Stephen, of “First Church Jerusalem,” was also attacked verbally with lies that he spoke blasphemous words against Moses and God, as well as the Temple and the Law.  Jesus knew that accusations against Him were a result of their own religious, moral, and misguided beliefs. 

Many verbally abused people fail to realize what is behind the verbal assaults.  One of the main reasons for audio explosions is a result of self-anger and frustration with one’s own life.  Unable to deal with their own struggles and hurts, they take it out on others, and many times it is on those they love.  What it comes down to is either take the verbal abuse at its face value and simply accept the self-abuse and its consequences, or realize the underlying factors, knowing that Jesus knows the truth of the situation.

Just before Jesus’ death, He would ask God to forgive the people, for they did not know what they were doing. (Not just the soldiers but all those involved.)  Stephen, as he was being stoned, asked God not to charge them for their sin.

To those who have experienced verbal abuse, hold up your shield of faith, realizing God knows the facts.  Ask God to forgive them, and then forgive the abuser yourself.  What follows will bring healing to you and potential healing to the offender.