Encouragement

WHY SELF HELP IS USELESS

by John Tyler
09/01/21
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WHY SELF-HELP IS USELESS! - by John Tyler, Author

From Inc. Magazine:

“Most Americans are unhappy. Despite the abundance of material wealth, the idealism of democratic values, and flashy new iPhones, most people are suffering. And the brutal truth is that several industries--including the self-industry--are profiting off of the emotional pain of people seeking quick fixes. - You need to release the illusion taught to you by the self help industry--that happiness is an external object that can be purchased--and recognize that happiness is here, now.” 

THAT ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN WAY BACK IN 2008….WELL BEFORE THE CHANGE OF PRESIDENTS; BEFORE THE COVID-19 DISEASE HIT THE WORLD; BEFORE AFGHANISTAN WAR-LORDS AND ISIS BEGAN TAKING OVER AFGHANISTAN – AND LIKELY WORKING WITH IRAN TO CONTROL THE ARAB WORLD AMD IT STILL REFLECTS THE TRUTH ABOUT SELF-HELP!

LADIES – HERES’ SOMETHING I’LL BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW! -   “Self-Help Industry Facts. 1. The average purchaser of a self-help product is an affluent woman, between 40 – 50 years of age, living on either the East Coast or the West Coast. - 70% of all customers within this industry are women.”

I CAN’T ANSWER THE BURNING QUESTION THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE ABOUT WHY 70% OF ALL SELF-HELP SEEKERS ARE WOMEN! 

I CAN, HOWEVER, ANSWER WHY ANYONE IS SEEKING SELF HELP AND WHAT THE VARIATIONS OF SELF HELP ARE.

Self-improvement represents a $10.6 billion per year industry in the U.S. alone. 

WHAT SELLS TO THOSE SEEKING HAPPINESS IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER?

BOOKS…MILLIONS OF BOOKS ABOUT HAPPINESS, WEIGHT LOSS, SUCCESS, WEALTH - EVEN SPIRITUALITY.

WHY?  WHAT ARE PEOPLE LOOKING FOR IN LIFE TO FIND HAPPINESS?

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR ROMANCE?  BIGGER BREASTS?  FANCIER CARS TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER?

MAYBE IT’S BOOZE.  THE BOOZE INDUSTRY FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN’T FIND HAPPINESS HAS COST U.S. CITIZENS ALMOST $80 BILLION LAST YEAR.

DOCTOR PHIL WANTS $18.20 ON AMAZON TO SELL YOU HIS 20-20 DIET.  - HE AIN’T EXACTLY THIN! 

MAYBE SOMEONE COULD SELL HIM A BOOK ON HAIR GROWTH!

THAT REMINDS ME….PEOPLE SPENT 95.92 BILLION THIS YEAR ALONE ON HAIR CARE…AND IT’S PROJECTED TO RISE TO $105 BILLION IN 2025…..

THAT IS IF THE ECONOMY HASN’T CAUSED EVERYONE’S WALLET TO LOSE WEIGHT!

AMERICANS SPENT $16.5 BILLION IN 2018 ON COSMETIC SURGERY…FROM BREAST ENLARGMENT TO LIP SURGERY TO EYE SURGERY TO LIPOSUCTION.

A WOMAN FRIEND OF MINE JUST SPENT $20,000 FOR COSMETIC SURGERY AT AGE 60-ISH……TO LOOK LIKE 39 AGAIN!

THEN – THERE’S THE NEW “SELFIE CRAZE”  - “GOTTA TAKE A PHOTO OF ME DOING SOMETHING”, THEY SAY!

YET….PEOPLE HAVE DIED DOING SELFIES….FOR EXAMPLE, THIS WAS REPORTED IN THE NEWS:  “Three teenagers (two sisters and a friend) were killed by a train while posing for a selfie that was found on their phone. Shortly before, they posted the message "Standing right by a train ahaha this is awesome”!!!!"

OR….THIS INCIDENT HAPPENED TO A 32-year-old woman from MY STATE OF North Carolina. From the local news: “She was driving and veered her vehicle across the center median. She collided with a recycling truck, left the road, hit a tree, and burst into flames – moments after posting selfies online when she heard Pharrell Williams' song "Happy". The truck driver was unharmed. 

OTHERS DIED TRAGICALLY TRYING TO GAIN FAME ON SOCIAL MEDIA BY TAKING DANGEROUS SELFIES!

SO WHAT DOES EVERY SELF-HELP JUNKIE SEEK?

SOME SAY THAT HAPPINESS IS SOMEHOW CONNECTED TO CHEMICALS IN OUR BRAIN – LIKE SERATONIN – OXYTOCIN….ENDORPHINES – AND THE BEST…IT’S CALLED DOPAMINE. THAT SHOULD BE CALLED “DOPE – OF - MIND”!

SOME WHO MAY LACK SUFFICIENT BRAIN CHEMICALS SEEM TO SEEK OUT THINGS THAT MAKE THEM  “FEEL GOOD”.  THE “FEEL GOOD” IS NOT HAPPINESS…..BUT PEOPLE WANT TO ALWAYS “FEEL GOOD”.

WHEN THEY CAN’T “FEEL GOOD”, THEY BUY SELF-HELP BOOKS…OR BUY A CAR OR A NEW HOUSE OR HAVE COSMETIC SURGERY OR THEY TURN TO DRUGS OR ALCOHOL FOR THE “FEEL GOOD” OR “DON’T FEEL BAD” CURE.

THE PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRY IS MAKING BILLIONS OFF PEOPLE’S DESIRE TO “BE HAPPY….TO “FEEL GOOD”!

COCAINE IS THE HOT DRUG OF CHOICE BY MANY. UNFORTUNATELY – AND ACCORDING TO ONE DOCTOR, “Using addictive drugs floods the limbic brain with dopamine—taking it up to as much as five or 10 times the normal level. With these levels elevated, the user's brain begins to associate the drug with an outsize neurochemical reward. - Over time, by artificially raising the amount of dopamine our brains think is ‘normal’ because the drugs create a need that only these DRUGS  can meet.”

SO…IS HAPPINESS REALLY SOMETHING WE GET FROM DRUGS?  NEW CARS?  NEW HOUSE?  MONEY?  WEIGHT LOSS? BETTER BODY?

NOPE!

I WROTE A BOOK BACK AROUND 1995 to 1997 ENTITLED – “FRIENDSHIPS – LOVERS, HUGGERS & OTHERS” AND IN CHAPTER 33 – “HAPPINESS – A WORD STUDY” –I REALLY DISCOVERED THAT HAPPINESS – ON A LONG-TERM BASIS…IS NOT ATTAINABLE – AND IT SHOULD NOT BE!

WHO CAN BE “HAPPY” ALL THE TIME – EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY?  ANSWER – NOBODY.

SO I WROTE THAT BOOK AND THESE WORDS AND IT STILL STANDS TODAY.  “NONE OF THE BOOKS THAT I HAVE READ OR RESEARCHED HAVE OFFERED A STUDY OF THE WORD “HAPPINESS” NOR HAVE THEY DISCUSSED WHAT “BEING HAPPY” MEANS.

CONTINUING ON THE PAGE IN MY BOOK (WHICH YOU CAN HAVE FOR FREE IF YOU LIKE---AT  www.JohnTyler.com/Lovers-DOC.pdf.  AMAZON STILL GETS $14.95 FOR IT!)….

I WROTE, “WEBSTER DEFINES HAPPINESS AS “GOOD FORTUNE; PLEASURE; CONTENTMENT; JOY…AN ACTIVE OR PASSIVE STATE OF PLEASURE OR PLEASURABLE SATISFACTION”.

I CONTINUED…”ANOTHER BOOK BY S.I HAYAKAWA AND EUGENE ERLICH OFFERS THIS:  “HAPPINESS IS THE MOST GENERAL TERM AND MAY IMPLY AND DEGREE OF WELLBEING FROM THAT OF MERE CONTENTMENT OR ABSENCE OF SORROW TO THE MOST INTENSE JOY AND SENSE OF FULFILLMENT.”

IN MY BOOK, I SAID, “CAN YOU BE IN A STATE OF CONSTANT BLISS, JOY, PLEASURE – GOOD FORTUNE OR PLEASURABLE SATISFACTION? – THE ANSWER IS “NO”.

SO…WHAT IS THE SOLUTION TO OBTAIN “HAPPINESS” MUCH OF THE TIME – LIKE I STILL DO?

I DISCOVERED EARLY ON THAT “CONTENTMENT” IS A STATE OF HAPPINESS THAT LEADS TO A PEACEFUL KIND OF HAPPINESS IN WHICH ONE RESTS WITHOU DISIRES…EVEN THOUGH EVERY WISH MAY NOT HAVE BEEN GRATIFIED.” 

I GOT THAT DEFINITION FRM THE MERRIAM WEBSTER ONLINE DICTIONERY…..BACK IN THE 1990’S, BUT IT’S TRUE….CONTENTMENT LEADS TO A LONG-TERM PEACEFUL HAPPINESS!

BEING CONTENT IN OUR SURROUNDINGS IS THE FORM OF HAPPINESS THAT CAN TRULY BE CLASSIFIED AS “LONG-TERM HAPPINESS”.

I HAVE LEARNED TO BE CONTENT IN WHATEVER STATE I FIND MYSELF IN…NOT MEANING A PHYSICAL STATE LIKE NORTH CAROLINA…BUT A STATE OF WELL-BEING.

AM I HAPPY WITH THE CAR I BOUGHT?  YES.  IT’S A 2011 PRIUS AND I GET 48 MILES PER GALLON.

WOULD I LOVE TO DRIVE A FERRARI …LIKE TOM BRADY?  SURE – WHO WOULDN’T, BUT I’M CONTENT DRIVING THE PRIUS THAT’S PAID FOR…SO NO STRESS ABOUT CAR PAYMENTS OR LEASING.

OH, I LOOK AT MY BUDGET EVERY NOW AND THEN TO REMIND MYSELF THAT I CAN’T HAVE A CONVERTIBLE RIGHT NOW…ALTHOUGH I WOULD LIKE ONE BECAUSE WE GET ABOUT N INE MONTHS OUT OF THE YEAR WHERE THE TOP CAN GO DOWN AND WE CAN FEEL THE FRESH AIR BLOWING THROUGH OUR HAIR….UNLESS SOME OF US ARE BALD!

THE HOUSE THAT I HAVE ISN’T SOME MANSION THAT I HAVE TO PAY A FORTUNE TO LIVE IN AND ANOTHER FORTUNE TO THE GOVERNMENT FOR TAXES….BUT IT’S NICE FOR ME….AND THAT MAKES ME CONTENT.

MY BUDGET IS SOUND.  I CAN GO OUT TO EAT – OR TAKE A TRIP ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD BECAUSE I MANAGED MY MONEY WELL. 

AM I RICH?  NO,  BUT IF YOU DON’T GO NUTS BY HAVING TO HAVE THE FERRARI OR MERCEDES OR A  HUGE HOUSE TO IMPRESS PEOPLE YOU DON’T LIKE ANYWAY…..WHAT’S THE POINT? 

RUNNING UP CAR OR LEASE PAYMENTS AND HUGE MORTGAGE PAYMENTS IS NOT SOMETHING THAT “CONTENT PEOPLE” DO. 

SO, IF MY BILLS ARE ALL PAID EVERY TIME I GET ONE IN THE MAIL…(AND THEY ARE), AND I HAVE NO CAR PAYMENTS - AND A TINY MORTGAGE PAYMENT - WHY WOULD I BE “UNHAPPY”?  I WOULDN’T.

HAVE I GONE THROUGH ROUGH TIMES?  SURE- WE ALL HAVE – OR WILL AT SOME POINT.

IN DECEMBER OF 2020, I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH LYMPHOMA…A BLOOD CANCER.   I HAD TO GO THROUGH CHEMO THERAPY AND HAD FOUR SPINAL SHOTS (PAINFUL) WITH CHEMO FLUIDS IN THEM AIMED AT MY BRAIN…..BUT MY ALWAYS POSITIVE ATTITUDE GOT ME THROUGH IT.

I NEVER GOT SICK FROM THE CHEMO.

SURE…I WENT BALD (SO I KNOW THAT I DON’T LIKE BEING BALD), AND I HAD TO WEAR HATS ALL THE TIME.  EVENTUALLY, I GOT MY FULL HEAD OF HAIR BACK AND AM NOW IN REMISSION.

SHOULD I BE MAD AT THE WORLD BECAUSE I GOT CANCER?  I COULD BE, BUT WHAT GOOD WOULD THAT DO?

SHOULD I BE MAD AT GOD?  - “SURE, I COULD HAVE SAID, “GOD – WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME CANCER”?

THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT I AM CONTENT BECAUSE I REALIZE THAT THE SOUL LIVES FOREVER….EITHER IN HEAVEN OR A PLACE THAT IS 1800 MILES BENEATH OUR FEET THAT BURNS AT 6,000 DEGREES ACCORDING TO SCIENCE – IT’S CALLED A LAKE OF FIRE.

MANY MOONS AGO….AT AGE ELEVEN, I WAS AT A CHRISTIAN BIBLE CAMP IN STEEP FALLS, MAINE. 

I HEARD A PREACHER TALK ABOUT THIS PERSON CALLED JESUS….BUT I WAS AN ELEVEN YEAR OLD PUNK FROM ROXBURY, MASSACHUSETTS WHERE YOU HAD TO GET TOUGH OR DIE.

I SMOKED AT AGE FIVE!  MY BROTHER SMOKED AT AGE SIX AND HE GOT ME STARTED ON IT!

SO, THIS ELEVEN YEAR OLD PUNK LISTENED TO THE MESSAGE AND SOMEHOW - - - A LITTLE VOICE IN MY HEAD SAID, “JOHN….BETTER LISTEN TO ME!” 

IT HAD TO BE THIS ONE CALLED JESUS SPEAKING TO ME BECAUSE THERE WERE 300 KIDS THERE – ALL SITTING ON A METAL CHAIR AND ALL I KNEW WAS THAT IT SEEMED LIKE I WAS THE ONLY ONE THERE.

I HEARD, “JOHN, WOULDN‘T YOU LIKE TO KNOW FOR SURE THAT YOU CAN GO TO HEAVEN WHEN YOU DIE…AND YOU WILL DIE?”

PUNK OR NOT…THIS PREACHER’S WORDS HIT ME RIGHT IN THE HEART, SO I TURNED AROUND IN MY METAL CHAIR AND SAID,

“JESUS….I BELIEVE YOU AND YOUR WORDS.  I BELIEVE THAT YOU DIED ON A CROSS FOR MY SINS SO THAT I WOULD NOT HAVE TO GE INTO THAT LAKE OF FIRE.  - I ALSO BELIEVE THAT YOU ROSE FROM THE DEAD ON THE THIRD DAY LIKE YOU SAID, AND THAT BECAUSE YOU PAID FOR MY SINS WITH YOUR LIFE….I’M WILLING TO TRUST YOU WITH MY LIFE….MY ETERNAL LIFE….SO PLEASE COME INTO MY LIFE AND SAVE MY SOUL”.

I CAN’T TELL YOU ANYTHING BUT THE TRUTH AND THE TRUTH IS THAT   I FELT LIKE A HUGE WEIGHT HAD BEEN LIFTED OFF MY SHOULDERS.

I TOLD MY BROTHER – (ANOTHER ROXBURY PUNK) WHO WAS SITTING BESIDE ME…. “VERNE, I FEEL LIKE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON.”

HE THOUGHT I WAS NUTS BUT LATER IN HIS LIFE HE REALIZED THAT HE, TOO, NEEDED A SAVIOR AND HE ALSO ASKED JESUS TO SAVE HIS SOUL.

VERNE DIED IN 2011 OF MULTIPLE MYELOMA…A DISEASE HE GOT FROM SMOKING ALL OF HIS LIFE…AND HE HAD TO PAY THE CONSEQUENCE OF SMOKING….WHICH IS WRITTEN ON EVERY PACK OF CIGARETTES – AND IT SAYS, “SMOKING CAUSES CANCER OR STROKE OR HEART ATTACK” .

ALL THROUGH LIFE…I HAD MY SHARE OF SINS…AND EVERYONE DOES AND WILL – WHETHER THEY ARE SAVED OR NOT, BUT THE ASSURANCE THAT WE WILL GO TO HEAVEN PUT ME IN A STATE OF  CONTENTMENT.

KNOWING THAT YOU WILL GO TO HEAVEN (BASED ON GOD’S WORDS IN HIS BIBLE – LIKE JOHN 3:3) ASSURED ME THAT I SHOULD HAVE NO FEAR OF DEATH BECAUSE WHEN THE BODY DIES…THE SPIRIT LIVES ON…IN HEAVEN ACCORDING TO 2ND CORINTHIANS 5:8 WRITTEN BY THE APOSTLE PAUL WHO ALSO WROTE HALF OF THE NEW TESTAMENT.

THE BOOK OF HEBREWS AUTHOR IS UNKNOWN…SO THERE ARE 26 BOOKS IN THE NEW TESTAMENT WHERE THE AUTHOR IS KNOWN…AND PAUL WROTE 13 OF THEM!

SO…THE BOTTOM LINE – AND WHERE I END MY TESTIMONY IS THAT PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD PAY BILLIONS OF DOLLARS EVERY YEAR FOR “SELF-HELP” BOOKS OR THINGS…..BECAUSE THE ONE THING THEY ARE MISSING TO FIND CONTENTMENT OR LONG-TERM HAPPINESS IS THE ONE-THIRD OF THE LEGS ON A STOOL THAT SUPPORTS LIFE.

SO, WHAT ARE THE THREE LEGS OF THE STOOL?

THE STOOL THAT EVERY HUMAN MUST RELY ON TO HAVE “HAPPINESS” THROUGH CONTENTMENT IS THAT WE MUST HAVE A PHYSICAL LEG OF OUR SUPPORT STOOL, A MENTAL LEG AND A SPIRITUAL LEG - ACCORDING TO ALL HEALTH EXPERTS.

TO BE MISSING ONE OF THE THREE LEGS PUTS YOUR PSYCHE IN JEOPARDY, AND WHEN YOUR PSYCHE HURTS…YOU LOOK FOR “SELF-HELP”.

THINK ABOUT THE TERM “SELF-HELP”…IT MEANS THAT WE TRY TO HELP OUR SELF USING OUR OWN INTELLECT…WHEREAS THE GOD WHO CREATED US ALL…HAS ALL THE WISDOM WE NEED AND THAT WISDOM IS WRITTEN IN HIS BOOK…THE BIBLE.

I ALWAYS SEEK OUT GOD’S INTELLECT WHENEVER I FACE A DIFFICULTY – LIKE THE CANCER THING - OR BUYING A HOME - OR BUYING A CAR - OR DEVELOPING A RELATIONSHIP AND I ALSO PRAY AND ASK HIM TO HELP OTHERS WHOM I KNOW WHO MAY BE GOING THROUGH DIFFICULT TIMES.

GOD HAS ANSWERED SO MANY PRAYERS THAT I CAN’T COUNT THEM ALL. 

TO KNOW THAT YOU CAN GO TO HEAVEN WHEN YOU DIE AND THAT YOU CAN HAVE LONG-TERM HAPPINESS THROUGH CONTENTMENT , I INVITE YOU TO READ ONE OF MY OTHER BOOKS  ENTITLED, “HEAVEN – HOW DO I GET THERE”….AND YOU WILL BE AMAZED AT WHAT YOU DISCOVER – THINGS THAT I DISCOVERED WHILE STUDYING THE BIBLE FOR OVER 50 YEARS AND I WROTE THOSE THINGS DOWN IN THAT BOOK.

MY BROTHER VERNE – WHO IS ABSOLUTELY IN HEAVEN NOW READ THE 549 PAGE BOOK IN ITS ENTIRETY AND HE SAID, “JOHN…IT’S THE BEST UNDERSTANDING OF SPIRITUAL THINGS THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN.”

MY BROTHER WAS TOUGH…SO FOR HIM TO SAY THOSE WORDS GAVE ME CONFIDENCE THAT GOD CHOSE THE WORDS THAT I WAS TO WRITE IN THAT BOOK. IT, TOO, IS FREE AS ARE ALL 13 OF MY BOOKS.

YOU CAN FIND THEM ALL AT WWW.RELATIONSHIPBOOKS.COM.

IF YOU WANT LONG-TERM HAPPINESS THROUGH CONTENTMENT…..YOU MUST HAVE YOUR THREE-LEGGED STOOL IN PLACE.

IF YOU DON’T – YOU WILL BE LIKE THE OTHER MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TRY TO BUY HAPPINESS USING SOME SORT OF SELF-HELP BOOKS WRITTEN BY PEOPLE WHO SEEM TO BE MISSING THE SPIRITUAL LEG OF THEIR SUPPORT STOOL.

ALL OF THIS IS ALSO FOUND ON MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL IN VIDEO FORM, SO IF YOU’D LIKE TO SEE THAT VIDEO…GO TO www.youtube.com/jtylermusic.

Thankyou for reading this article.  I hope it can help some of you in your struggles to find happiness.

The most important leg of that happiness stool is the SPIRITUAL LEG and that leg must include developing a relationship with Jesus Christ so that you can KNOW that you will spend eternity with Him – in heaven.

John Tyler, Author