Encouragement

Of Dark Days and Inner Pain

by Agatha Mangwende 
03/10/17
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Some years ago, I went through a time that I could not share with even my closest friends. It was only about half way through the ordeal that I finally managed to confide in one of my prayer partners.

The reason that I didn’t talk about it, was because I felt that people would not understand me. I was worried that they would think that I was either depressed, hysterical, losing it, or stretching my imagination a bit way too much.

On the outside, everything was well with me. Spiritually, I was on a high note. My career was good, and finances were stable. It was one of those physically problem free seasons that the Lord grants us once in a while. But I couldn’t say the same about my mind!

I felt tortured, demon surrounded and harassed. I had no way of explaining what I was going through, except that I heard voices speaking inside my head consistently and continuously. It was voices, noises, and more voices all day long. And when I tried to go to sleep at night, my dreams would be painted of all kinds of weird and evil creatures. It was unbearable!

Yet, prayer-wise, I was in a good place. I prayed a lot during those days; for my healing, deliverance, for other people, for the projects and ministries I was involved in. To some extent, maybe that is what kept me going, even in the midst of all that confusion.

Psychiatric consultation is considered as a last resort in our part of the world; so I didn’t even dwell on that option. I prayed more and read more of my bible. Besides, there could have been a chance of being put on sleeping tablets, thereby dulling my body and mind; and allowing these demon-controlled people to have access to my body. No, I chose to stay wide awake and fight!

The voices and noises in my head however, persisted by the day. Soon I developed a serious case of insomnia. My whole physique started to take the toll, and slowly I was becoming a nervous wreck. I started getting to work late or very late, because sometimes I would finally fall asleep in the early hours of the morning and fail to get up in time for work. I also became very slow in performing my daily tasks. I was like a walking zombie.

Somehow, by the grace of God, I came to figure out what was happening to me and why. I was under demon surveillance; crazy talk, but true. I had a stalker or stalkers walking outside my ground floor apartment at night, especially around midnight. They would come by my bedroom window, and just stand outside there, as if listening to my breathing. I would wake up, leave the room, and sit in the bathroom. They would follow and come stand by the bathroom window. The lounge was not an option either. The only place that I felt a bit safer in, was in the hallway between my rooms.  But even there, I could hear footsteps going up the outside stairs and stop, as if the person was trying to stare downwards, to get a glimpse of my position.

Whatever their mission was, the stalking put so much pressure on my mind, and the restful nights that I used to enjoy were long gone.

On one of such nights, I kind of felt the presence of evil and went to the bedroom window and sharply drew open the curtains. That was a huge mistake! I should never have done that. For there was a young man standing outside that window, smartly dressed up, with a cap partially covering his face and facing me so rigidly with his hands in his pockets, I had no way of telling what his intended action was. He just stood there as if he could just easily walk through a closed window. His body was actually touching the window! Both of us froze, because none of us had anticipated that brief encounter!

There was no way that he could break into the apartment, because all the windows were burglar-proofed. But I knew in my spirit that this person had satanic intentions against me. So, from that window, I ran, grabbed my Bible and fell on floor praying with such panic, that all the angels in heaven must have heard me and rushed to my rescue. I don’t know when this devil-man left, I was crying to God from the floor at the far end of the room, to pay attention to his movements.

Who do you tell a story like that to? Any reasonable person would want to know what I was doing, drawing open curtains in the dead of the night!

I had to get a housing improvement loan to add more screens outside all my windows and doors. That put an end to the stalkers’ proximity to my rooms. But the voices and noises in my head continued! I kept praying, and reading my Bible for long hours into the night.

I had already been exposed to the teaching on ‘praying scripture’, and I was already doing that. I actually had several books for guidance on praying the Word of God. But still the voices kept screaming inside me, and I was slowly feeling as if I was losing my mind. The devil was winning over my sanity and that really got me into a frightened mode. I then wrote to my closest prayer partner and asked for the prayer cover that I badly needed.

There is therefore no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

I had read this scripture countless of times, but that night the Spirit of God gave it to me as a doctor would give a prescription.

Somehow I had opened myself to a curse; either through an argument, a sour relationship, an unholy alliance with a devil worshipper or whatever else is out there in the dark, evil world. And unfortunately, those persons had enough satanic influence to put a curse on my mind.

BUT

There is therefore no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

I could have wronged them intentionally or unintentionally. But I was in Christ Jesus. My life and my mind was covered under His blood. These persons had no power or authority over me. I was protected, I was covered.

I repented of my known and unknown sin and asked God to cleanse me of all impure thoughts and actions.

My road to healing had now begun. Alleluia!

My Bible readings took me to the story of a prominent sorcerer, Balaam, who was sent by King Balak, to curse the Israelites as they travelled past the land of Moab. He and his people felt threatened about the presence of the Israelites in the territory. The book, ‘Numbers chapters 22-24’ makes good reading.

There will always be people who will feel threatened about our progress in life and they will try to put a stop to us by putting a curse on our lives.

The Israelites had already escaped Egypt, crossed the Red Sea, conquered the mighty Amorites, and were about to cross the Jordan River and conquer Jericho. The devil might have known about Egypt and the Red Sea, but not about Jordan and Jericho. But God knew where He was taking His people.

“For I know the plans the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope”. Jeremiah 29:11

The Moabites were also jealous of the success of the Israelites in taking over new territories. Numbers 22:1-4. Balak and his Moabites knew that Israel was powerful and blessed of the Lord. The devil can see the potential in us; even when we don’t.

Balaam failed to curse Israel, despite speaking out the curse three times! When he opened his mouth to curse, the Lord would instead use him to bless. King Balak got very frustrated; after all he had paid a heavy fee for the services of this prominent and powerful sorcerer.

And you must know that sorcerers don’t always work for the devil alone; but sometimes consult God. They go to church on Sundays, yet practice witchcraft regularly. They are like the double agents that we watch in the movies! However some truths are certain: You cannot curse what God has blessed. The devil knows this; but he clouds our minds with confusion and unbelief, so that we cannot speak the Word of God against him. But God can overrule and overpower sorcerers, no matter how great they are. God doesn’t care much about the fortunes they make through their heretical conspiracies.

Don’t go into alliances with devil worshippers. They will bless you with a curse; their outside lives are a contradiction to their secret lives. Most times, we are not aware of the unholy alliances formed against our lives, by the devil and his worshippers, while we innocently go about our day to day business. The people of Israel were comfortably camped in the valley, while Balak and Balaam were high up over the cliff, watching Israel and building altars to put curses over their lives!

Sometimes, in our friendships, partnerships and alliances, we could be indirectly attached to witchcraft, séances and the occult; and we need discernment to distance ourselves from such connections. More-so, because most of the conflicts we find ourselves in, are demon-initiated.

The Bible says, ‘For we do not wrestle not against flesh and blood; but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12.

These spiritual forces major in messing up people’s lives with their demonic influence.

I am currently reading the book, ‘The Believer’s Authority’, by Andrew Womack. And I’m realising that it is not just the ignorance of scripture or lack of spirit-filled prayer that kept me under the claws of demonic oppression for nearly a year! It was because I was not applying the scriptures to my ailment.

It was only when I started telling myself that I am in Christ Jesus; His blood covered me, and no one could condemn me; that my healing actually began. The devil has no power over my life. And since then, I have told him to back off!

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust. Psalm 91:1-2

The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid. Psalm 27:1

It is sad that sometimes our churches do not teach enough about how to exercise the power of the Word of God over our lives. We read the Bible religiously, we pray fervently, yet how we struggle with inner pain day after day!

May we today, step into the realm where God’s Word manifests its power and authority into our lives and all situations.

Brethren, we are covered under the blood of Jesus Christ.

If you need me as your friend, to talk to or pray with, please don’t hesitate to email me on [email protected]   I am here for you.