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Dating 201: The Clueless Man
As I write this part I’m reminded of how shy and ignorant I was about the skill of dating. I did not know what to say? I was lost with words I did not have TV shows that served as my instructor. All I had was Happy Days, where blowing in some girls’ ear was the thing to get her excited to make-out (Kiss).
As I look at some commercial advertisements of the latest sitcoms I realize that the sexual implications are design for causal affairs and no relational intent whatsoever. All the clichés all the catch phrases are unhealthy to a real development of love in a relationship. So I caution everyone to stop looking at shows like sex in the city why because I dated a Christian girl who watched the show and patterned her lifestyle after the show. I did not understand her she played one role after the other. It wasn’t until I went to her house and she was excited about an episode that was about to air and I watched in disbelief at the way these women lived their lives and my clueless mind became aware that this is what made this girl tick.
This show was her reference point to gauge and operate in a relationship. Man was I dumb-founded. I never saw the show so I could not pin-point her behavior. It wasn’t until I watched the show that everything became clear to me.
I’m sharing this testimony to allow you guys to see that we never know where the girl we meet may have been educated about relationships. And based on her education or exposure to the world of dating is what we are going to be dished out.
This is why I purposed to share Dating 201.
Somebody has to tell the man of God what to biblically do to develop your dating skills and to be fully aware of how to date and relate. I guess God picked me for it so here goes.
Who to date?
Dating is a social event between two people. The biggest problem is finding out who to date? Is it the girl from 4B or 6H in my building? Is it the checkout girl from the supermarket? Maybe it’s the girl in my English 101 class? Or just maybe it might be the girl from the choir that I secretly have a crush on?
My advice to single men is to get acquainted first, find out who she is before you ask her out on a date. You may not know if she will turn you down before you ask her out. One way to avoid disappointment is to find out a little about her. This is what Boaz did with Ruth. He asked about her he found out who she was and the good reports is what led him to approach her with respect, praise and encouragement to continue to do good by allowing her to glean his field.
Where to date?
The story with Ruth and Boaz is quite unique because as I wrote previously Naomi set the date up without Boaz knowing. It was a blind date with a divine purpose because of the law and custom of the Israelite people. Boaz was the next of kin which means he was the next available man to marry either Naomi or Ruth for the purpose of keeping the family name of future generations alive.
Although this might not have an application for us today in the same sense if we are a Christian we must date a Christian that’s not influence by sex in the city. And we can be set up on a blind date but be sure she’s a Christian. Don’t allow her beauty to compromise your convictions about serving God if she’s not a Christian.
The encounter on the first date
1. Boaz had a unique encounter with his first date he wasn’t aware that he was about to go on a blind date. Ruth just showed up unnoticed and observing for the right moment to approach him (Ruth 3:3-17).
2. When we are at a location that women may come to we need to be aware of them because they come in unnoticed when they are attracted to you. There are gestures, body language and mannerisms that we need to be conscious of to know that they are interested in us.
3. Two thirds of the time women give off a signal of interest first. There are several courtship signals that women send out when they’re attracted and interested in a guy.
4. The indications are;
Flashing her eyebrows combined with a smile and eye contact.
Running her fingers thru her hair.
Smiling shyly, half-smile, with a downward glance and brief eye contact.
Licking her lips.
Giving short darting glances.
Primping. She smoothes out her clothes even though they look fine and press.
Swaying to music. At a party while seated, she moves her body to the beat hoping for you to ask her to dance.
Caressing an object, a glass, keys, or whatever she has in hand.
If too self-conscious she may fix her blouse making sure that she’s not too exposed.
Others may play sensually and hike their skirt up to expose their legs (sex in the city move).
5. Ruth was instructed to wash her-self, do her hair, put on a nice outfit, and the right kind of fragrance. Then watch her man where-ever he goes. Granting him space and making sure when he was comfortable and in a happy mood then approach him. If girls study us in such detail we should be wise enough to study them.
Something startled the man
1. Don’t freak out if you’re approached by her first, especially if you’re shy and quiet. Be aware of any emotional actions or reactions that you may give off extreme shyness, fear, insecurity, inferiority complexes may kick in but you can combat it with a simple response Hi, my name is Mike! And yours?
2. If she approaches you don’t go into pickup lines and don’t get nervous. She might say hi my name Megan and then you respond accordingly.
3. Don’t be a wiseguy, a pervert, or rude. Be open to communicate. So are you here alone or with your friends? Who invited you? How did you hear about this place?
4. After the initial introduction then move on the questions of family relations. Why because women are relational – men are positional. Men ask other men what do you do for a living? What is your position with the company?
Women ask totally different questions and they would mainly be relational questions, are you married? Do you have children? Are you single? Do you have siblings? Do you live with your parents? Etc…
Who is she?
1. When Ruth approach Boaz he asked her who are you? She said his servant. Allow her to express her-self and define her intentions with meeting you. Let her lay down all the facts before you jump into any conclusion as to why she’s talking to you.
2. She will give off positive signals or negative signals based on your responses to her questions;
The positive signals are:
Her body posture is open and facing you.
She exposes the palms of her hands as she talks to you.
She illustrates her speech with hand and arm movements.
She whispers.
She gazes into your eyes.
She brushes your forearm. It may seem like an accident, but a lot of times it’s the woman’s way of letting you know physical contact is okay.
The negative signals are:
Avoiding eye contact with you.
Orienting her body away from you.
Crossing her arms over her chest.
Engaging in private grooming habits like picking her fingernails and looking at the ends of her hair.
Sometimes these signals can be mixed and confusing whether they’re positive or negative. It may be done unconsciously or to slow you down. The woman usually controls the pace during courtship.
I will continue next time I must go to work and drop my baby off at the sitters house. May God bless you to be successful on your next date.
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