The Word for Writers

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There is so much to question now. What is propriety? What is love? What is discipline?
I wrestle with balance, wondering how hard the pendulum should swing in my spiritual life or physical life and if there should be any separation at all.

I wrestle with what makes a woman a woman. I challenge what makes a man, a man.
And through all this wrestling, I think of Jacob and how he wrestled with an angel until he gave him a blessing. And that is the beauty of struggle.

To obtain more than what we need; to come by way of that which costs us more than we have ever been. Think of Jacob. The impression I got from the story of his first blessing wasn't all that good. Jacob came of as a bit of a momma's boy, cooking while hairy big brother went out hunting. Not to mention, he also came out as somebody who was all up for what they could get by conniving, not much for digging in and getting the job done.

And yet, here Jacob is struggling with an angel and refusing to give up until he receives a blessing.The wrestling desire changed him. He wanted something he knew he couldn't get alone, and so he refused to give up until he was changed. Maybe this is what we are truly missing, wrestling until we get what we desperately need-the ability to get what we want.

I truly believe in not settling. I don't want to add swear words to my writing to spice things up a bit. I don’t' want to skate the line between that which is good, holy and pure and what makes the Song of Solomon seem vague. And this is my struggle to become what God intended me to be, my wrestling match to have it all. I want to be the Proverbs 31 woman. I want to wrestle with myself until only what God blesses remains. I will develop the things I desire in a future mate in myself, and trust God to be all I need.

We compromise so much. We let so many wonderful things go in the name of progress, only to find progress an empty and shallow trade for who we wanted to be and what we are. We want things faster; we need them longer, cheaper and flashier. We save all this time, only to never have the time we really need. We don’t want to wrestle; we can't seem to raise an interest in anything that costs more than we are, anything above a little labor.
Perhaps that is why we have never wrestled an angel.
Perhaps it is even why we do not have a blessing.
I feel a match coming on already-Godspeed.

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