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TITLE: Inside my soul | Previous Challenge Entry
By Tiffanie Chezum
07/20/06
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Inside my soul there is a place
with secrets no one will obtain
A dark and distant prison cell
that helps protect me from my pain

I hide myself from all my fears
and feelings I refuse to share
The torment that these issues bring
is more than I can ever bear

Throughout my life I've built the walls
to give me a false sense of pride
The world may think that they know me but
I know they cannot see inside

For deep within this fortress strong
in solitude I’m forced to dwell
Staring out with longing eyes
while trapped within this secret hell

The guilt I feel will not subside
for past mistakes I now abhor
From years of suffering alone
I know there must be something more

I feel like no one understands
the emptiness consuming me
But I cannot tear down these walls
and now I fear I won’t be free

My spirit struggles to survive
while anguished thoughts my mind does churn
Still thirsting for a better life
but never knowing where to turn

As desperation fills my heart
I search for truth in my despair
Still needing help to find my way
I’m reaching out but no one’s there

So in my sorrow I will stay
buried deep within this hole
And hope that someday I’ll escape
the turbulence inside my soul

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Member Comments

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Date

07/23/06

Good poetry writing, but such a sad message, especially the lines:
"Still needing help to find my way
I’m reaching out but no one’s there"
I think another stanza with a glimpse of hope would help. But, perhaps I am missing the point the writer wants to make.

07/25/06

I hope there's a sequel to this for the sake of this poor wretched soul. To me this is a glimpse inside a tortured soul and perhaps this can be a reminder to us as Christians to smile and offer a kind word to a stranger. You never know the poewr of a word spoken in due season to a hurting soul. Thanks for this reminder!

07/25/06

Awesome piece that leaves you wanting to read more. One thing I noticed -- the line: "The world may think that they know me but" had one too many sylables. I would have removed the word "that" out to retain the integrity of the meter. There was another line missing one sylable -- near the end. Other than that it's wonderfully written. I'd also like to know if there will be a sequel! Great! :)

07/25/06

An intense reminder of a needy soul. Like mentioned above may we reach out more to the hopeless. Wonderful writing!

07/25/06

So sad........

Well written.

Shari Armstrong

07/25/06

Some powerful things here -well done.

07/25/06

Very nice! The driving rhythm really fits the emotion here.

07/25/06

A lost soul. "Still thirsty for a better life but never knowing where to turn." Somber indeed but beautifully written.

Dr. Sharon Schuetz

07/25/06

While very sad this is very good and well written.

Lynda Lee Schab

07/25/06

This was a heart-wrenching piece but, sadly, there are so many suffering from depression who feel exactly this way. I do wish you had ended the poem with some sort of hope but it was a very well-written piece, regardless. Well done!

Trina Courtenay

07/25/06

So sad and so true for so many of us hiding behind our exteriors allowing the world to see only what we want them to. All the while we are crying inside asking for help.

07/25/06

A powerful and poignant picture of a lost soul.

07/25/06

I agree that this was very well written, both in skill and in content. However, unlike some have stated. I don't think it needed an addition of hope. Sometimes you just want to relate to someone who is in the same place as you.

If you aren't ready for a ray of sunshine, it can be too bright and cause you to turn away. Adding hope for the sake of hope, would be just like the pat endings readers are always thankful for not finding at the end of fiction.

Great job.

07/26/06

The poetry domination continues... great job!

Kimberly Mitchell

07/26/06

I'm not a poet, all I can say is Wow.

07/26/06

The prison cell, the walls, the fortress - all wonderful images that struck a real chord with me. A powerful reminder of a place to which I would not like to return. Thanks for sharing.