Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: CHILDHOOD (03/09/17)
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TITLE: Lindsy's Best Day | Previous Challenge Entry
By Francy Judge
03/16/17 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Mom sang nursery songs as she cut up apples into bite size chunks for my little sister. The oatmeal smelled good like apple pie, and Lila didn’t spit it out. Sometimes she would spray mushy vegetables across the table, and I’d have to change my clothes. But not this morning of my perfect day.
Mom put the tiny spoon in the sink and wiped Lila’s messy mouth. “Would you like to go to the zoo today?”
I clapped with Lila and spun her around. I made animals sounds for Lila who giggled like crazy especially when I did the “Ooh, ooh, ooh” of an orangutan.
The zoo was amazing. First we talked with the tropical birds…then we made silly faces at the dolphins who could imitate us through the glass. I didn’t like the safari section with monster size snakes and tarantula spiders. Lila jumped out of her stroller to feed a monkey an animal cracker, but started to cry when one fast monkey swiped her whole box. Mom took her hand and promised her another box.
It wasn’t until after we ate our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that the day got crazy. Wind began to bend trees and howl, and a whistling sound grew so loud we had to hold our ears. In the field where we watched buffalo graze just minutes before, neon lights appeared. We were so amazed staring at this bizarre sight we didn’t notice Lila run onto the field. She probably thought it was a merry-go-round or some new ride.
Mom and I noticed her empty stroller at the same time and looked up to see her running toward the spinning ball of light. We screamed, “Lila, come back!” but she couldn’t hear us. We ran toward the space ship as a door opened and somehow swallowed my sister.
Mom was screaming, “Let her go!” when I came up with an idea. I began to make my ape noises as loud as I could until a pack of orangutans heard and charged toward the ship. They grunted and stomped all over the ship until finally that slit of a door opened and Lila jumped to the ground. She clapped and smiled as the lights flashed again, and the spinning ball of light zoomed off to the sky.
Mom hugged Lila. Then she hugged me. “You saved your sister today—you’re a hero!”
Lila smiled and said, “Again? Ride again?”
“No, not today. We are going home.”
Before we left, we bought another five boxes of animal crackers to throw to the orangutans and thank them. Lila had her own box too and shared a few with me.
“And that was my best day this summer.” I lowered my paper and looked at Mrs. Walsh who was squinting at me through her cat shaped glasses.
“That was a nice story, Lindsy, but this was supposed to be non-fiction, an essay about your favorite day.”
“But…but…” The class laughed as I stuttered and turned as red as a Macintosh.
“You have a lot of talent as a writer of fantasy stories.”
“But…”
“I would love to read a novel by you when you grow up, but for now, you must follow directions.”
“But that was a true story.”
Mrs. Walsh tapped on her desk and squinted at me again. “Lindsy Muller…you need to stop this childish nonsense right now.”
The whole class stood up and pointed out the window. “What’s that?”
I smiled. Now I knew I could get an A.
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I like the playful feel to the writing, even when the little sister was in the space ship.
Some might comment that you could have created more drama and emotion with the space ship situation- after all, the MC almost lost her little sister to aliens. But often a child doesn't realize the gravity of a situation and the young MC probably would have written it just this way for a class assignment.
I'll be interested in the comments of others on that question.
I also liked the ending, maybe a little abrupt, but still a good way to wrap it up for the MC.