The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
09/08/06
This is a great story, but sort of hard to follow. There was just so much left untold. I'd really like to see this expanded.
Good dialogue and reflection of a "raw" lifestyle. I agree that this could be expanded to include lessons on several levels: love/hate, forgiveness/bitterness, hope/despair, etc. etc. There's lots here for such a short story! The end was a total surprise...was that a way of cementing a message on life/death? Overall I like the setting and characters. Do something more with this one!
09/10/06
Good entry, but with some serious editing here and there, it could be a great entry. Thanks for sharing.