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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: SKULDUGGERY (09/01/16)
He was up to no good. I could tell by his shifty eyes peeping from beneath his cap that was pulled low. Watching over his slumped shoulders, the man in black slinked along the sidewalk as if expecting someone to be following him.

I wasn’t following him, but I was watching from my third floor balcony. Darkness was coming fast. The street below me was almost deserted.

He stopped, looked over his shoulders again, and pulled something from beneath his coat. I struggled to see what he held in his hands. He turned slightly, but it was enough that I could see the devious expression on his face.

With squinted eyes the man glanced around. Then he looked up in my direction. I froze with my book in front of my face. “Oh Lord, what dishonest activity is he up too?” I questioned in my mind. A truck rumbled by diverting the man’s attention for a moment. I didn’t move a muscle, but I kept my eyes locked on where the unscrupulous looking stranger had been standing.

When the truck had passed, the man was gone. I stood so I could see better, but he had vanished. Shivers ran up and down my spine.

Quickly, I went inside and locked the balcony door. Then I hurried to check my front entrance. It was secured also.

Shaking off my suspicions as to many mystery books, I began brewing a cup of tea.

KABOOM!! The loudest explosion I’d ever heard shook my windows, and my dishes did a little shimmy dance in the cupboards. I hung on to the kitchen island, as I too felt shaky.

Smoke rose from the street below. Sirens screamed their approach. My mind rambled through one scenario after another. Finally, I released my grip on the island, and moved to look out the balcony door. Mass confusion had erupted below me.

A building across the street had been reduced to rubble. Flames licked at the sides of adjourning structures. Firemen hurried to attack the blaze before more damage was done.

A crowd had gathered. Police officers strung yellow tape to keep the onlookers at a safe distance from the fire. Had a gas line exploded? Had chemicals combusted to cause this chaos? I had so many questions.

When I felt the fire was contained, I walked out on the balcony to get a closer look. I could hear voices, frantic and emotional saying things like, my brother works there, my uncle was in there.

It was then my eyes caught a glimpse of the man in black with the shifty, squinted eyes standing in the crowd. He no longer had anything in his hands. “Oh Lord is it possible he caused this?” I questioned aloud. “Jesus what do I do?” I asked into the smoky, sooty air around me.

Instantly I knew I had been drawn to the creepy man by the Holy Spirit. I knew I had to report what I’d seen just before the explosion.

“911 what is your emergency?” I heard a female voice ask. I told her what I had seen, and I told her the man was standing below my balcony watching the commotion he had most likely created. She assured me the police would handle the situation.

So there I stood, on my balcony watching, as the police carefully surrounded the man in black without him realizing it. Once he was handcuffed, one of the officers looked up and gave me a thumbs up. Relief flowed over me like a warm shower on a chilly night.

“Lord, I pray for the people who worked in that building. Let them be safe and well. I ask these things in the name of Jesus. Amen.”

The headline of the morning paper read, A member of Skulduggery, a terrorist group, arrested at the scene of his crime. The article also stated that there were no fatalities or injuries. Everyone had left the building before the blast.

My heart was overcome with gratitude for the Lord Jesus Christ and His mercy.
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This article has been read 481 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
09/16/16
You do a nice job of unfolding this intriguing mystery. The conflict drew me in and your pacing kept my attention to the very end.

I have just a couple of minor notes. Your opening line was passive. I'd urge you to switch it around: Leaning over the third-floor balcony, I squinted at the creepy guy with his cap pulled over his eyes.
Also, would it be too difficult for the MC to see the shifty eyes from so far away with his cap on? I'll admit with my eyesight that would be impossible, but I know others have better vision. Instead of using the slightly cliché phrase of shifty eyes, you could describe it differently. What do shifty eyes look like? Give me that description so I can clearly picture it.

I know I'm being a bit of a nitpick because you do have some great descriptions in this piece, but I think with a tiny bit of tweaking, you could change it to fantastic. You've done a great job of writing on topic. I enjoyed the ending, especially the prayer. So many people don't know how to pray, so I always enjoy it when a prayer is included. You definitely delivered a vital message. We all need to be reminded of the importance of prayer. You also did a great job of writing on topic. Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level and 17 overall. Happy Dance!