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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: COMPUTER (05/19/16)
I stood before the Father
tears falling from my eyes.
How could I ask Him for help
with all my failing tries?

This time it was not for me
but for my dearest friend.
She lived with an abuser
in pain that will not end.

Sometimes she would sneak out of
her darken hiding place.
I was feeling her sadness
tears streaming down her face.

She said she’d give it a try
but failing was her curse.
Then she would have to face him
that would even be worse.

Tears were coming from my eyes
I stood before the King.
He has no time to answer
these troubles that I bring.

For I’m a lowly sinner
I know this might be true.
If you really do need Him
He’s always there for you.

Then I begin to praises Him
of how He’s such a friend.
The phone broke up the music
Almost near the very end.

She said that she was safe now
and there were people there.
Making sure he’s really gone
she’ll get the proper care.

That’s when I suddenly saw
the gift He gave to me.
He’s took her from her shackles
and now she’s walking free.

Isn’t God so wonderful
what He can really do?
He’s there when He is needed
just ask, He’s there for you.
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This article has been read 562 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Judy Sauer 
05/26/16
A lovely poem, however it does not relate to the topic.
Pat Small
05/27/16
I agree that it was a nice poem, but I couldn't see how it related to the topic either.
Holly Westefeld
05/28/16
You did a pretty good job of being consistent with your syllable count for each line
Where some work is needed is with the meter, the pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables, which enhances the reading flow of a poem. For more on meter, See Jan's excellent lesson on it in the forums.
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=67&t=38314&sid=3d485cb0241c7edd37f4541db0cecfcc
Your love and care for your friend shines through beautifully.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
05/31/16
This has a lot of passion in the lines. I can feel the empathy for the friend. It's wonderful how we can come before the Father for anything.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
05/31/16
I meant to leave some red ink too. Be careful with the tense. For example, in the second stanza, you start with past tense, but then switch to future. You could fix it by switching will to would. Poetry isn't my strongest genre for sure, but your words touched my heart. You definitely shined a light on a very difficult subject, but one that definitely needs more awareness. Although, you did miss the topic, computers, I have a feeling God inspired you to write this for a specific purpose and believe God will use your words to help someone in ways you may not ever expect.
C D Swanson 
05/31/16
I enjoyed this!

Blessings~