The Official Writing Challenge
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love them dust particles!
Well told! Great descriptions
Good piece. Very creative approach to God being being everywhere. Very good visually. Easy to see the story. A bit off the beaten path but that is what makes it so engaging. Would possibly break up the large paragraph for readability, but otherwise this was an excellent piece of writing.
Really effective. I could taste her despair and bitterness, especially in the daydream about showing up in his 'lily-white church.' The final image of the dust particle works beautifully. One grain of hope as Jesus speaks His love into her spirit. Wham! THE END becomes the beginning. Perfect.
I especially liked the first part of this - getting into her head, the decription of the night, her apartment. I'm always a little leery of endings where God steps in supernaturally, but that's just me, I guess. Good writing.
Consider: "If she had had the will she could have gone to the soup kitchen, the mercy clinic, and all of the other help agencies her village provided, but that would have meant …" better verbs forms for what you are saying here. Good piece of writing.
I was already feeling her abandonment, heartbreak over her child. I felt her pain and suffering, loss and bitterness and possibly her soul reaching for more.....and then you made me quiver with her greasy hair! The final image, the dust particle, took away all the ugliness that her life had become! You are truly a masterful writer!
I really enjoyed this! I wasn't sure if the end conversation rang true to her character but I loved the ending. There was a lot to enjoy about this piece.
God's everywhere and so is His love. I enjoyed the integration of dust particles in your story. You have a unique style of writing. Enjoyed very much.
It's hard to see your way our when you've dug yourself so deep into despair and utter degradation. God's forgiveness seems so far out of reach. That dust particle proved that His love was right there in her apartment standing at the ready.. Good story.
I really enjoyed this story because it's real life. Sometimes writers tend to steer away from the "ugly" but you didn't. Good job! I like to write about real life too because whether we want to admit it or not...we've all been there and need to know God is STILL there when we cry inside.
This was a great piece. The real life emotions of rejection and pain and a positive ending without all the syrup. Loved it.
In our stillness, His voice comes through! Well written.
There were so MANY things that I wanted to comment on that I had to print the story out. First of all, the imagery was outstanding. "Nailed you to a Cross Too" almost KILLED me. "God, take me away, send me to hell, I don't care, it couldn't be any worse" was EXACTLY what my brother and I have been talking about lately! The reference to Marion showing up in his "lily white church" is exactly the way my Ex-wife would have described it. She has passed on now. Two months gone. The last line got me though. When she heard "Marion" I was reminded of when Jesus rose and spoke to Mary at the tomb. I have been led to believe that He called her "Miriam"...and in that one name He both broke and healed a heart. Great writing.

I'm not too sure about the ending, but definitely full of great description throughout.
I loved the whole thing! Supernatural endings do not bother me...since God is "Super" and we are "Natural". Who knows all the ways He may choose to speak to us? There are deeply serious situations that sometimes take more than a tract or a sermon. Also, I could see this acted out as a drama.Excellent writing, my friend. :0) LG