Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Pros and Cons (08/14/14)
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TITLE: The Whiskey Barrel Debate | Previous Challenge Entry
By Phillip Cimei
08/17/14 -
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The old whiskey barrel, on the front porch of Mack's Grocery Store, flanked by two oak chairs with their sagging, tattered wicker seats had witnessed a lot. Its rusted slackened bands, weathered and cracked oak slats, and faded checker board was not filled with the devil's juice anymore, but with a century of heated discussions, seething arguments, and spirited debates. Social, political, and religious issues of the day spawned the pros and cons--especially ones that stepped on religion's toes.
“Hey you old goat! You're late. I thought surely you had died in the night as old and rotten to the core as you are, “ said Ralph as he spit a brown liquid dead on into the spittoon. He could blind a fly from ten feet.
“The reason I'm late is I spent half the morning praying for your lost soul,” George countered as they both gave each other a push on the shoulder.”
“Oh, so you want to talk religion? Ralph hesitantly asked knowing George took every opportunity afforded him to open the door to Ralph's procrastinating ways. “Did you see that advertisement for the new movie Noah?”
“No, why?” George positioned his bible on his lap.
“Well, It made me think. Did God make a mistake when he made man?” asked Ralph hoping once and for all to silence this fanatical zealot who is on a mission from God to save his soul.
“No way does God make mistakes.”
The debate was on; you could almost hear the whiskey barrel sigh.
“Doesn't your bible say that before the great flood God repented that he made man?” Ralph asked as he snatched George's bible and waved it in his face.
“Go ahead, I will be praying for you while you hang yourself,” countered George hoping to turn this around to, why God made him.
Ralph dawned a silly smirk as he continued, “God had angels in heaven. Why create an inferior being? Your bible says He created man a little lower than the angels. Why? Why not a little greater than the angels? Why waste His time, six days as you claim, when He has heaven with its glory and His angels with their devoted service. No, He creates man who turns into a violent beast that kills, tortures and bows down to other gods. Read today's newspapers. Man is as bad today as he was in Noah's day. God made a mistake.”
You could almost hear that whiskey barrel snicker. George was coiled and ready to strike and sink his fangs, filled the the venom of the Holy Spirit, into the heart of his opponent.
“God did create angels; they had and have free will just like you and me. One of them thought he could perform a takeover of God's throne. God cast him out of heaven with his followers. He created a wonderful plan to show Satan that He was God. He cast the devil and his angels out to show them that He could create those that will worship Him, honor Him, adore Him and love Him, as Satan and his followers couldn't. Did God know that this creation of His, man, would bow down to Satan? Of course, that was in the plan. Yes, man would be deceived by this rebel and outcast, but not all of man. Not in the end. God's plan was superior to Satan's. His plan would work, as opposed to Satan's which caused him to be cast out of heaven.
Yes there is evil, and yes there are those that worship the devil and his heinous ways. One day Satan will bow down to God, and to His Son, Jesus, who will conquer this enemy and his friend, death. One day he will be cast into the lake of fire prepared for him and his followers. The real question, Ralph, is, When will YOU believe and who will YOU follow?
Before George could put the conversion nail into Ralph's pro argument coffin, Ralph was dead. But the debating continued for Ralph, “I can go back and warn others; I'll take the other position, I promise. You don't make mistakes.”
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Nicely done.
God bless~
Well done.
You do a great job with mixing humor into a very serious situation that has eternity at stake.
The Lord is probably far more humorous than we give him credit. I know beyond a shadow of doubt, that there will be a lot of good clean humor in Heaven that will have the Lord as well as all Christians rolling in laughter from time to time!
I look forward to each of your articles in that I learn from them, and have a good laugh at the same time!
Keep em coming Phil!
God Bless!!
Since you specifically asked for some red ink when you threw your brick, I'm going to go out on a limb and provide just a little of my two cents - feel free to chuck it if you want.
There are a few minor grammatical slips (I think you typed the word "the" twice where you wanted to type "with the") and you never closed the quotes on George's dialogue...but both of those are minor slips.
Where I felt the entry took a slight turn away from authenticity was during George's monologue. Anyway who's ever been around two old men arguing knows that one of them never gets to say that much at once without interruption. :)
I know the word count limits us, but I think George could have made his point with a more back and forth style between the two. That's how I envision something like this playing out in reality. That's not to say that what you did was bad, it just (to me) wasn't consistent with how you defined these two old men at the beginning.
Anyway, that's my input, for what it's worth. Again I love the entry as a whole and I know your point is true and important. Overall, this was a great read.
One of my favorites this week.
For red ink, I'll agree with Joe's comments above; especially the one about the monologue. and I'll add one of my own.
"...filled with the venom of the Holy Spirit." (I've corrected the first 'the')
It's personal perhaps, and not meant as a theological debate, but I would never refer to the teaching or Words of the Holy Spirit as venom; especially when Scripture clearly describes venom as the lies of the enemy. I believe I understand what you are trying to say, but for 'publish-ability' I felt a better word could have been found (maybe, 'lie destroying words of...')
Loved the way you developed these great characters.
She is so correct in her comment about using "venom" in reference to the Holy Spirit. I will not even attempt to justify (which there is none) why I chose to use that comparison.
I prayed that the Good Lord and the Holy Spirit would forgive me and anyone that was offended by my use of those words.
I am deeply sorry. I hope I don't get kicked out of Faithwriters for making such a gross error in judgement.
I have to admit that the use of the word "venomous" at first gave me pause. But then, I realized that it fit the character of George that had been developed in the story. George wields the Word over his friend as a weapon in their war of daily arguments, just as many, many Christians have tried beating sinners into repentance by hitting them over the head with their Bibles.
We all got the point that Ralph died before he could repent and accept salvation. But did we think about the fact that George's delivery of the Word may have repelled Ralph, much like every other argument they had over the years?
That was the lesson I picked up from the story, and the word "venomous" helped me see that perspective because it provided me a picture of it was more important to George to win the argument than it was to win Ralph.
Another way to take the word venom is malice, bitterness. I'm not a theological expert by any means, but I also could see this unfolding. Since the one unforgivable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, I could see some malice or bitterness if one was doing that, truly being disrespectful towards God, the old man might have some bitterness in his heart, but the Holy Spirit is in there too. I know what I'm trying to say, but not making much sense. I think your story has many excellent points and even the venom remark is making readers think. I'm not saying Graham was wrong when he cringed a bit when he read it. I can see it being read in many ways. Only you and Jesus know your intention, my sweet friend, but I, for one, believe you were probably more horrified than any reader when you realized how it was being taken and I don't believe you saw it in a bad way at first. I empathize with you because I deliberately chose the phrase Jesus pestered me in my story this week. I worried that some may take it wrong, but I knew how I meant it, and believe Jesus knows my heart as well as yours better than anyone. Don't get too discouraged and don't let this make you stop writing. God bless.