Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Sizzle (05/02/13)
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TITLE: Burger Queens | Previous Challenge Entry
By Nancy Bucca
05/09/13 -
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"First up is Anita Armsong. Take it away, Anita. ... That's it. Look at all the lard oozing through that latex."
"Yeah, well these plastic gloves are pretty thin compared to the white glove a certain in-law shoves in my face just as I'm in the middle of cooking dinner for my kids. 'Don't you ever clean out your fridge?' she says. Boy, wouldn't I love to defrost hers!"
"I hear you loud and clear, Anita. Now spank that ball with your spatula and teach it a lesson it'll never forget!"
Whap. Slap. Sizzle.
"Mmm. Not bad to start off with. Good job, Anita. Suzie Sunshine, you're number two."
"Unfortunately. Secondhand Sue's my name, but my game is to slam dunk all those slurp-smacking spouses out there who spout sport statistics with a mouth full of food. Then when we wives open up our mouths to speak, they leave the room."
Whap. Slap. Sizzle. Clap.
"Wow, this is one steaming woman. Listen to those cheers. The audience is getting fired up. What a grease-off! Okay, Ellen Elbowworth, tell us what grills your cheese."
"Schools that claim we came from slime, that's what! And they wonder why young men set off bombs. Go figure!"
Whap. Slap. SIZZLE.
"Phew! That was downright explosive. And what's your beef, Barbara Bittle?"
"Exhaust from six-wheelers that spew toxic fumes when I'm stuck in traffic on a hot day."
What. Slap. SIZZZZZZLE.
"And yours, Dora Dunkin?"
"Drunk drivers high on road rage who swerve into the lane I'm trying to merge in, causing me to miss my exit."
Whap. Slap. SIZZLE.
"Excellent, girlfriend. I mean, who can't relate to that? Sara Solochef?"
"SPAM that clogs my email when I'm famished for good news regarding my book manuscript."
"A frustration suffered by many a hopeful author."
Whap. Slap. SIZZLE.
"Rita Relishious?"
"Rabid raccoons that raid my recycling 'cause my so-called 'better half' tossed a bag of chips in it."
"And your twin sister Rhonda?"
"Rotten egg legislators who stuff their pocketbooks with fresh pay increases while wasting my hard-earned tax dollars on pork barrel spending."
Whap. Slap. Double SIZZLE.
"Woo! Look how much meat they've packed into their burgers. Two lean machines, bubbling like volcanoes. I must say I'm impressed. And yet it seems we've barely scorched the surface of those seething sausages. It's your turn, Nina Niceknee. Let's knock this one out of the ballpark. Tell us what makes you sizzle."
"Well. (Sniff) Much as I hate to admit it, it's me."
"Excuse me?"
"If truth be told, I'm just a niggling nag. I've needled my husband nearly to the point of no return."
Whap. Slap. SIZZLE.
"Um, nice work, Nina. Makes me a bit nervous, but that's the idea. Nora Nurturebaum, you're next... Nora?... Please, Sweetie. Can you stop sniveling long enough to..."
SIZZLE.
"Oh, what's the use? I'm a shame to my name. Munching on bonbons while sipping on soap operas, neglecting my family while feeding my own needs. Some nurturer I am. I'm disgusted with the way I've treated them!"
Whap. Slap. SIZZLE. Whap. Slap. SIZZLE.
"Okay. So... um... Harriet Hilarious? How about something happy? Lighthearted. Things are getting a little too serious here. We could all use a good joke."
"Are you kidding? I hate my sin too. It's like a horrible hiss from hell, which is where we're all headed if we can't find a way to halt this horrendous..."
Whap. Slap. SSSSSSSSSS
"Hoo, baby. Did you hear her hurl that hamburger? Seems this cooks are having a meltdown. We're talking weeping and gnashing of teeth. Please, ladies, I never meant for things to go to this extreme. But then again, there's no lying about the lake of..."
SIZZLE.
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