The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/20/11
Wow. This is a very powerful piece of writing. The images you paint with your words are full and vibrant and scary; you have captured the state of the unseen world so very clearly. For this I applaud you.

My only criticism is the Search Engine topic isn't really presented; the idea of searching/seeking is given at the beginning, but not really in context to the topic.

I really do love this style of writing and thank you for having the courage to enter it! Well done.
This is a powerful essay. I had a hard time seeing the topic. The beginning didn't really grab me but as I read on, the well- written message gripped my heart. It felt like I was reading a chapter of Revelation and would be an interesting read for a Bible study.
10/21/11
Wow! This resounded like something straight from the Bible. The visuals you painted gripped my heart. I fet like I was hearing from an Old Testament prophet. Well doone, well written, perhaps not too much in keeping with the topic, but definitely a piece that needs published! God bless!
A compelling piece. Although not on topic, it is well-written and thought-provoking.
10/22/11
This is a magnificent piece of writing! Certainly a warning of the last days and I think this reflects the world of today!

It wasn’t clear to me how you were approaching the topic in this, was it as the angel’s mind, supposed to be the search engine, searching as he went from place to place and then bring the information up for mankind to see and be warned
or was a computer the monster in the first paragraph, offering answers of false hope?

This was written with boldness and beauty and I agree with Leola, this awesome piece of writing needs to be published and I hope it is able to be read beyond this Faith Writers challenge. What a blessing this was to read!
10/24/11
As per guidelines, I would like to comment on your entry. (1) It did not fit the topic. No reference to search engines as a computer related process were made. The "search" aspect was quite general and could be applied to any form of searching. (2)This was a very well crafted piece of descriptive writing that had a unique beginning and a conclusion that fits the sequence of events as they unfolded in the narrative. You might want to eliminate a few "beings." (3) Your message was clearly expressed as you quite vividly describe how evil will be vanquished with the coming of our Lord. (4) There was so much in your piece to which I added an "Amen." One specific line - "Ferocious attack on my Lord's throng of saints" -captures the imagination of what's taking place in the spiritual world. Your article reminds us to be "aware of Satan's devices."

Overall, well written with lots of potential.
10/25/11
A little heavy reading IMHO. Lots of content within a story, which can be good or bad. My suggestion is to stay focus on one or two main points within the plot to lead to the climax. Conflict and character building would also be areas this story can be tightened up. I believe by re-looking into the story to streamline some points, this article can better bring out the powerful message. On the whole, it is a good attempt at a very difficult story to write. What I like best in your story is how the search is conveyed clearly in just a few words "I travelled on ..." and summed up with the "proclamation ... My Lord came in great glory and victory" in declaring the search is over, spelling the end of the story.
10/25/11
After reading this piece I want to reach through the screen and pick your brain. I love deep, meaningful, heavy reading. Often I write or speak with such a depth that my thought blows right past friends and family (well, I like to call it depth, others may call it something else).

Your first paragraph drew me in, literally, as I leaned in feasting on the words. The entire piece is powerful, and compelling, but there was a dramatic shift after the first paragraph. The first paragraph is nearly all symbolic, which I love, but is not for everybody.

I like what Edmond said about characterization building. For most of the piece, we're told about what the angel sees, so there's a lot of 'telling' going on. If you were to alternate between the 'telling' and some 'showing' (like, say, showing the angel or another character in action, to reveal what's going on) -- it would add to this piece.

I agree with everyone who believes this is publishable. Expand it to a larger piece, use the advice posted above, and send that baby out!
11/01/11
Wow, what a powerfully written piece! Your word pictures made my heart pound! The excellence of the writing aside, I couldn't connect the piece to the 'search engine' cue; but, well done!