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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Crime and Punishment (not about the book) (07/21/11)
Sirens scream
in the dark
their persistent echo
announcing
something wrong
something bad
something disturbing
here

lights frantically flash
their red and blue
morse-code
messaging the night
of an emergency
of an urgency
something awful
happened

in this place

crime

tape - gaudy
yellow barriers
appearing - being strung
across walkways
and doors
that should never
have been
entered

agitated air
releasing
silent testimony
reeks – leaks
speaks
the smell
of death
and blood
from within

the building
saturated with satanic vision
now policed – patrolled – controlled
with an army of concerned
law enforcement
bystanders and reporters
wanting to see
wanting to know
wanting to talk
to display their anger
about what should
never
have happened

inside

a man lies dead
and a woman
stands
with
tear-streaming eyes
handcuffed
ever so righteously
read her rights
so her punishment
would be assured
correct and just
with no loopholes
for escaping
the
premeditated
cold-blooded
murder

but
yesterday
before
the woman’s
mind
snapped
there was no
sirens screaming
no
lights messaging
crime
tape
with it’s telling words
was not there
blocking entry

yesterday
the antiseptic air
camouflaged
its vile breath

there was
no all consuming urgency
concern and caring
of what went on
here
in this place
yesterday
when
the
doctor
picked up
his torture tools
and with
premeditated
cold-blooded
determination
aborted
the
woman’s
grandbaby
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This article has been read 1121 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Brenda Shipman
07/29/11
Wow, I hardly know how to respond. Your staccato style lent itself to the shocking tone of the piece. Well chosen, well placed words, an occasional rhyme or alliteration, description of the scene - all pulled the reader into the unfolding drama. I assume you intended to convey the sick irony of all the hoopla over the murder of the doctor (even though we believe his murder was heinous and unjustified), but absolutely no response from the law officers or bystanders over the murder of the baby. I also assume this is from the woman's (the killer's) perspective. I like the form you chose for this entry - it's convincing and chilling.
C D Swanson 
07/29/11
That was on an entirely different level altogether. Great job of using the subject matter to portray a chilling tale of irony. I enjoyed it...I also wonder what the police were thinking about the dead doctor and the crimes he perpertrated during his reign. Interesting and a deep read. Nice Job! God Bless~
Leola Ogle
07/30/11
Oh wow! Brought tears to my eyes. A sobering reminder of a serious problem in our society...abortion! Thansk for sharing and God bless!
Troy Manning
07/31/11
The distribution of your lines gives this an interesting impressionistic feel. There is also a certain boldness in the ambiguity your poem leaves concerning the murder of the abortionist--though I believe your first reviewer read your intent correctly. Intriguing piece.
Noel Mitaxa 
08/01/11
Brenda has summed it up so well. Brutal and graphic portrayal of the issue.
Joyce Samuel
08/03/11
Wow! I read this with bated breath! Through repitition, you mounted suspense, and still left me panting even at the end. The absence of punctuation marks makes it an even more interesting read. Brilliant work; brilliant message delivery. Well done!
Joyce Samuel
08/03/11
Wow! I read this with bated breath! Through repitition, you mounted suspense, and still left me panting even at the end. The absence of punctuation marks makes it an even more interesting read. Brilliant work; brilliant message delivery. Well done!
Joyce Samuel
08/03/11
Wow! I read this with bated breath! Through repitition, you mounted suspense, and still left me panting even at the end. The absence of punctuation marks makes it an even more interesting read. Brilliant work; brilliant message delivery. Well done!