The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/02/10
Well, I brush my teeth a lot, but never to calm my nerves!
I was highly surprised at the ending! Not at all suspected. Throughout most of it, I was thinking that the wife had intercepted a fight between her husband and teenage son.
There was definitley a lot of emotion here.
I thought I was following the story until I got to the end. It was a twist I wasn't expecting.

A little red ink it's either/or OR neither/nor.

You definitely demonstrated the topic. Keep writing.
I loved how you worked in the OCD tendencies of your MC. But, I was also unsure of what really happened. I thought she'd been hit by her husband while blocking the blow from her little boy. But then the robot thing threw me off. That aside, this was amazing writing. Really. I was hooked, in there, and staying with you to find out what happened. You have a good mastery of word phrasings. Well done.
Good writing. You had my attention. I felt every emotion. The ending threw me a little, but after I read it again, I giggled. Until then I was really mad at her husband. Thanks for letting him off the hook! Keep writing.
09/08/10
You did a great job here. The OCD actions where totally realistic and took me right along with her.