Lord, pass this message on to mam, now that she’s no longer here.
I know that you knew I loved you but I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you it more. Like many sons, I thought you were the best mam in the world. Now that I’m getting nearer to joining you, dad and our Pete, I still feel like I’m your little lad, who never knew anything but love from you.
I know it wasn’t my fault but I’m sorry you nearly died bearing me. Thanks for struggling to suckle me when you were so ill, and bedridden for so long after my birth. It left you with a permanent weakness but you never once complained. I’m so glad you didn’t die!
I know you weren’t as fortunate as me. You lost your mother when you were still a little girl – sorry about that mam. It was so unfortunate that you became a ‘Cinderella’ figure with a wicked step mother who treated her own children a lot better than you. I’m glad you helped yourself to a few cakes behind their backs!
I know you liked our silly banter when I would put my arm around your shoulders and say in a throaty way, with our broad Yorkshire accent, “Aa tha gooin on lass?” and you would reply, “Aw reight lad.” My odd way of saying I loved you. Oh, that I could do it one more time and tell you properly what you mean to me.
I know your stepmother got you off her hands as early as she could and put you into working service as a young maid. You had to work so hard you ended up really strong. My four spring chest expander was a doddle to you; you could stretch it out as far as any man. Yet you were the kindest person I’ve known and you wouldn’t hurt a fly.
I know as kids we didn’t miss out because we were poor. We had wonderful times because of you and dad. Christmas was magical; you sacrificed so much so we didn’t miss out. One Christmas I was so proud to be the first ten-year old in my neighbourhood to own a brand-new racing bike.
I know that when I became a soldier you still thought of me as your little lad. Thanks for all those lovely food parcels and romantic girlie comics that became so popular in our billet – queues would almost form for the next read. Maybe you were trying to cheer me up after my girlfriend deserted me and show me there were plenty more fish in the sea.
I know when our Peter died, when he was so young, that you never really got over it. From my room I heard you crying all those nights. Things happen in life than aren’t fair – and that wasn’t fair! However, it was the event that turned me to Christ and later you and dad. Pete’s death was not in vain!
I know you thought yourself as insignificant but you weren’t. After Jesus came to mean so much to us you received a wonderful ministry of praying for others. That was because you genuinely cared for others and were wonderfully humble. I still use as a prayer one of the revelations the Lord gave you.
I know that you were glad I was there at the hospital holding your hand when you were about to leave this life. In your unconscious state, maybe you didn’t hear our final goodbyes. I definitely believe that you are now in that better place. I’ve been asking God to relay this message to you. Maybe he will leave it for me to pass it on personally.
I know that in the meantime I’ll get on with what goes on down here. I have made a few requests to God for you over the years – one being that he’ll give you the voice for praising him that you always longed for, although your voice wasn’t as bad as what you thought. I think God gave me a revelation that when you sing now: ‘All heaven holds its breath and listens to you.’
Goodbye mam and God bless,
With love from your lad xxx
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