Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: SWEET HOUR OF PRAYER (don’t write about the song) (04/30/15)
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TITLE: Sweet Song of Communion | Previous Challenge Entry
By Wanda Draus
05/07/15 -
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Ah, but there it is, isn’t it, “out of her control.”
Meagan had seen a lifetime of hurt; abusive marriage, divorce, financial strain, and her own prodigal path away from a loving God. She had learned many lessons from all these challenges, the most important was to make a plan and trust God.
Meagan always had plan A and plan B. She was brought up by a single mom herself; strength, determination and resolve was in their DNA. She learned from example that hard times will come and you deal with them.
There wasn’t a lot of room for self-pity and she often would tell others who might be feeling the least bit sorry for themselves, or even when she would on occasion put the balloons and streamers up for her own pity party, “at least it’s not cancer.”
And then it was.
She was tired. How many fights did she have to fight in this world? What’s the number; three, four, seven? In her very controlled world she wanted a number or at least an end date to all these challenges.
The following months life was scratched off the calendar and replaced with tests, surgeries, doctor appointments, chemotherapy and head shaving. Not to forget, the ungraceful stumbling to the bathroom in the middle of the night to lie down on the cold floor when she was feeling sick.
Meagan in her typical fashion, decided to hit cancer head on. She read everything she could find relating to her cancer. She changed her diet, she would exercise even at her weakest. But always in the dark of the night when she was alone with her thoughts, she could not dispose of the utter sadness and fear that this formidable enemy levied on her life. This very strong woman found herself in a pit of fear so deep she didn’t know how to climb out.
Meagan never asked God why me? Just what now? In Stuart Scott’s biography, “Every Day I Fight,” he wrote, “Once you start questioning the bad stuff that comes your way, you have to start questioning the good,” and Meagan had an overflow of good in her life.
With cancer comes many setbacks. One of those setbacks found Meagan with no words to pray. It grieved her. She was thankful that her family and friends were holding her up in prayer much like Aaron and Hur held Moses arms when they were so heavy in battle. Her battle was intensifying.
One morning she rose early, the house was eerily quiet. Still with the heaviness she couldn’t shake, she watched through her windows, the dawn break and a slight fog come up from the ground. As a single tear rolled down her face she resonated with the dreariness and fog. Walking toward the couch she paused and then took her frail thin body and kneeled.
She was again without words. Kneeling. In the stillness of those moments she remembered a song; an old hymn she sang when she was a little girl. She sang the first verse of the chorus to herself; “because He lives I can face tomorrow.”
As the words came to her, it felt like a vice was crushing her heart, trying to choke back her sobs, she continued; “because He lives all fear is gone.” Her tears now freely flowing, singing out loud, she raised her voice; “because I know who holds the future, and life is worth the living just because He lives.” With head bowed, knees still bent and a heart of victory, she finished her prayer with one last song, “Great is thy Faithfulness.”
When she rose from the floor, her despair abated, Meagan knew she had been in the presence of God. She was filled with such love and hope and the realization that God is in control and would rest in that assurance. It was the sweetest communion she had ever had with the Lord.
I will sing to the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. Psalm 104:33 (NIV)
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Amazing,
God bless~
There are a few things that you might want to look at more closely in future writings, however. You have some comma splices (for example, the final sentence of the third paragraph, among others), some semicolons that were used incorrectly (the one in the 7th paragraph, among others), and some missing commas (quite a few of them). Meagan's thoughts and prayers should be in italics. And a few times, you (the writer) stepped out of the story and addressed the reader, which is a little bit disconcerting.
I loved the pacing, with the varied sentence lengths making the reader screech to a halt once or twice, and with a lovely flow toward the end. This is a hallmark of a good writer. I'm delighted to have read this entry.
In the beginning, I noticed you seemed to do more telling than showing. Then in the paragraph that starts one morning, you did a fantastic job of showing and creating a picture for me. I know sometimes it feels like you need to do more telling to set the scene, but you can combine them both. For example:
Megan barely flinched when the doctor informed her of her diagnosis. Patting her shoulder, Dr. Smith guided her to the chair. "I'm sorry, Megan; you've been through so much--an abusive childhood, financial problems, divorce. With your faith though, I believe you can beat this cancer."
Of course, I realize you'd do it differently, but wanted to show how you can create that backstory with emotions, dialog, and action.
You did a splendid job in that one paragraph, so I've no doubt that you will be able to continue to blossom. You did a great job of using the topic and relating to the reader. Your message is powerful and one I really needed right now. I found myself nodding as I read, and then you quoted from my favorite hymn. Have no doubt that God used your words to give me hope and to remind me of his power and how much he loves me to have me read this right now. I also have no doubt that your words will continue to bless others in ways you may never envision.
I can see a couple of times where you "step out" as Jan mentions. The first is where you say: Ah, but there it is, isn’t it, “out of her control.” It's almost like you say "Hey, reader. In case you didn't catch this..." "And then it was" is another part where you kind of address the reader. Finally, the quote from the biography also feels a bit out of place.
In general, be VERY careful of quoting any work that is not yours, including song lyrics. Yes, we see song lyric all over the place. But unless they are in the public domain, it's technically a copyright violation to quote any part of it. Don't worry about it on this one, but it would be good to check in the future.
Hope this helps you some! And I really did like the story. You captured her emotions well.