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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Postcards (08/29/05)

TITLE: "Wish You Were Here" (ii)
By c clemons
08/31/05


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“Wish you were here” Laney wrote on the card. “Having a wonderful time. I’ll be home soon.” She signed it, “Love Laney.” She turned the postcard over and the picture on the postcard showed a beautiful beach scene.

“How peaceful this looks” she thought. “I’ll soon have this kind of peace and it will never end.”

Laney read again what she had written on the postcard, “Wish you were here.” “No I don’t”, she thought. “Here” was at the very edge of despair. “I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I don’t want to live another day feeling like this.” Laney felt as though she was in a hole that had no way of escape and it was about to swallow her whole.

The motel room she was in was miles from where she had told everyone she was going. The postcard with the beach scene would keep that lie going for a few more days. Lately lying had become so easy. When asked if she was feeling okay, her reply was “Oh yes, I’m fine, thanks for asking.” She would smile convincingly and whoever was asking would move on. She was smiling on the outside but crying on the inside.

Months had gone by yet Laney was still stuck in the first phase of grief. Total unbelief with unbelievable sadness had completely engulfed her. She still cried daily whether the tears were shed tears or not. Her baby, her beautiful baby girl, who came here perfect and was perfection itself, died from SIDS. The doctors never gave her any answers that made any sense to her. According to them it was not her fault, or anyone’s. She had done everything right, not allowing the baby to sleep on her stomach, being watchful and having a monitor in the room. One beautiful afternoon when the sun was shining and the birds were singing, she had laid Joy down for an afternoon nap, and she never awaken.

To Laney nothing made sense anymore, so here she was supposedly on a restful getaway in this dingy motel room. She watched the clock on the dresser tick her final hours away. “I am doing the right thing, I know it.” Her original plan was to take a whole bottle of sleeping pills today. But she had remember today was her Mom’s birthday and she didn’t want her mother to have that kind of reminder on every future birthday “ the day my daughter took her own life.”

She would mail the postcard and wait a couple of days before doing what she had to do. In the meantime to stop her mind from thinking she turned on the television set. Laney mindlessly flipped through the channels. She was flipping through the second time when she heard someone say, “he knows your pain, you there sitting on the bed, yes you! I am talking to you, the thing you are contemplating, that is not the answer! God loves you. Ask Him, Ask Him to heal your broken heart and he will. Please call the number on the screen so that prayer counselors can pray with you.”

Laney almost looked around to see if anyone else was in the room with her. This man, this TV preacher seemed to be looking right at her. She picked up the phone and dialed the number and a voice came on and, “How may I pray with you?” A dam broke within her and she cried out, “I need prayer.”

The counselor led her in prayer and afterwards she felt a lifting in her heart. For the first time in months she saw herself coming up out of a very dark place. She realized now that she had been blaming God for the baby’s death and not allowing Him in to heal her heart. She began thanking Him for his forgiveness and mercy.

Laney jumped up and began to pack. She called the resort where she was suppose to stay and asked if her room was still available. As she left the room, she grabbed the postcard off the nightstand and read it again. Yes, now the statement was true, she wanted her family to experience this new birth with her, she really did “Wish you were here!”


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Member Comments
Member Date
dub W09/06/05
Works fairly well. Kind of abrupt in the close, but the story is complete.
Jan Ackerson 09/07/05
Work on beginning sentences with different words (She...), and on ceosistently using -ed endings. The story is powerful and captures Laney's emotions very well. Loved the Divine intervention!
Jan Ackerson 09/07/05
Sorry, typo. I meant "consistently."
Shari Armstrong 09/07/05
A good story of healing -when we let God in to do what He wants to for us.
Karen Ward09/08/05
Your character's happy facade versus her inner turmoil was very real. God Bless, Karen
Julianne Jones09/08/05
What a lovely message of hope for those experiencing pain and despair. Just a few typos - namely words missing 'ed' endings. But a well written piece overall.